My husband and I are traveling to see family at Christmas – we live across the country so we are having to fly. We are also moving out of the country in a couple months and this is the last time we are going to be able to see family before we leave. My parents paid for our flight (we previously bought the tickets, but my mom offered to use her points instead so we could save ours for flights home at a later date) Would we be the assholes if we decided to stay at a hotel instead of with our families? We are both introverted people and need time to decompress and it’s difficult when we have stayed with them in the past.
No that’s totally valid! It’s not like your refusing to see them
More info needed. How big is your parents house? Will you have privacy? How far away would your hotel be? How many other people will be in the house?
NTA at all! Y’all do what makes you happy 😃
It’s a tough one. You’re not AH for wanting space t decompress. But the complicating factor is that your parents paid for your flight so you can save money. If they see you spending money on a hotel, then they may feel you’re not respecting their financial help. In most places, few nights in a hotel is going to cost as much as an international flight.
You know your parents best so this is something you are best positioned to gauge. Good luck.
This is a very good point! The parents might feel tricked if they paid for the flight for OP to save money but then OP pays unnecessary (in the parents’ mind) money to stay in a hotel. So in addition to them feeling rejected if this is a new change in sleeping arrangements, it has bad optics with the money.
NTA totally understandable needing space & good sleep when visiting family
No. You’re adults lol. My mother moved a few hours away and built a pretty big house so when we visit we have places to stay. When I go alone I stay there but when I go with my husband we stay at a hotel. We like our privacy. Its not because we want to have sex or anything… its just about sitting in our own room with no interruptions or expectations about having to leave the room.
NTA…just don’t blindside them by not telling them ahead of time.
No. You’re definitely not the asshole
Deciding to stay in a hotel instead of with family isn’t necessarily wrong, especially if you’re looking to take care of your mental health and set some boundaries. However, since your parents have already covered your flights, staying somewhere else might make them feel hurt or like you’re not grateful. It’s important to find a balance between needing some time to yourself and having a clear, respectful conversation about why you’ve chosen a hotel. This way, you can help prevent hurt feelings and keep your family relationships strong.
Well yes YTA only because she paid for your flights. If she hadn’t then I’d say no problem. If I were her, and had paid for your flights so that you could save money, but you turned around and used that money for a hotel I’d be pissed.
NTA at all, it’s perfectly reasonable to want your own space as a home base as long as you spend some quality time with them. They may even prefer it too for a variety of reasons, for example, less chores before, during and after your visit, etc.
No, if you were my family and said your staying in a hotel, I would jump for joy…I need to decompress too!
You should have discussed this with your Mom before you took her miles. If she used her miles on the expectation you would stay with her then yes, YTA.