So basically I(14f) and my friends(Fake names) Mia(14f), Reyna(14f), Piper(13f.(She’s about to turn 14 btw) and Annabeth(14f) have a friend group. Now I’m not really close with Annabeth since she’s kinda Piper’s friend and only hangs out with us sometimes. So I got sick and had to miss a lot of school which is bad since I just started high school. While I was ill, my friends made friends with this 11th grader, Sophie(16f) Now I don’t mind them having other friends. But almost a month after making friends, they hung out with Sophie constantly. Sophie for some reason doesn’t like me, barely responds when I talk, glares at me etc. Now they want her to join our group chat which I find really soon. Whenever Sophie’s around, my friends only pay attention to her. They wait for everyone to be finished packing up before they leave but they never wait for me. Piper is the only one who waits for me. I told my friends I wasn’t fully comfortable with her being in the group chat(I post about fictional crushes and other cringy stuff there and I barely know Sophie.) They said that Sophie could join the group chat and then told me to only post about my hyperfixations in the meme groupchat like I was the problem. Which had nothing to do with Sophie being there or not.
Edit: I forgot to mention, Sophie never hangs out with kids her own age, just my friends. Also I have social anxiety so it’s hard for me to make new friends unless my friends introduce me to them. It took me two months to make friends with someone by myself.
NTA you’re uncomfortable, maybe say you need more time to get to know her. A separate chat isn’t a bad idea, I don’t quite understand why she’s hanging around you guys with the whole age gap thing and I get a weird vibe from it but this is just a reddit post so clearly we don’t have her side. Just tell your friends you need more time
Ik a separate group chat isn’t bad. It’s just annoying they randomly decided I need to post about stuff like that in a different group chat randomly. I brought up Sophie and they completely changed the topic.
Your friends are fixated on this person because shes older and seems more mature than them, but rest assured shes jist as lost as any 14 year old just because she has two years ahead of you makes no difference, if you can tell one of your friend still respects and pays attention to you and your needs then you know who the real one is.
Theres plenty of people in highschool and beyond that you will meet and they will match your energy, i wouldnt let it stress you out so much people change it sucks but its life.
You could try confronting this person and asking her if she has a problem with you and be polite and express ypu interest in becoming friends with her so that it no longer feels awkward for you.
As for the getting ready thing, if you are aware they will leave without you maybe try keeping a better track of time so that you can start getting ready before them.
NTA, it definitely sounds like you’re being left out because your friends are looking up to the “cooler older girl”, it would be fine if they included you and she became friends with you too, but obviously that’s not the case so you don’t want her in the group chat since you dislike each other.
just pull her aside privately and kindly ask her like hey did i do anything that offended or upset you? i feel like there may be some tension or something and i just want us to all be cool (:
or if another friend in the group is equally cool with you both you could tell them how you been feeling and see if they are open to mediate that situation.
it’s not the end of the world. prolly something dumb is all. it happens (: been there.
you can also invite her to hangout just the two of you super nonchalant and get to know each-other better!
another possibility is maybe you just happen to have a trait she finds off-putting. (maybe she thinks you’re too loud, too quiet, talk over others..) stupid shit that can be worked on, yanno?
don’t take it personally tho! your friends love you and i’m sure regardless of why the energy feels off any of these can help. i definitely would advise tryna sort it kindly and respectfully with her first tho. don’t be accusatory or mean about it cuz if the vibe is off that will just dampen things and make it worse off on you.
and as someone else mentioned.. the age gap isn’t really weird either. when i was in high school and middle school.. i was friends with with EVERYONE. hell, everyone at my school was. seniors didn’t mind if you were a freshman or vice versa… everyone was super chill and all homies.
NTA, your friends sound like they’re excited to have someone older around, when you’re 14 the 16 yo look a lot cooler, and you weren’t there at the moment, so you’re not a part of it for them. this doesn’t mean what they’re doing to you it’s right, you need to be assertive here and tell them how you’re feeling and that they’re hurting you this way. high school is a tough time, many changes will happen and you’ll surely make new friends as well, don’t keep yourself from anything because of friends if they don’t understand you!
Start to make new friends. If they are already taking off without you they will get the hint when you choose to do other things OR they didn’t care enough about you to begin with.
Just thinking out loud here and don’t turn it into gossip or ask her about it. If she only hangs out with you girls and doesn’t have friends her own age – maybe she’s Autistic. Girls who are Autistic struggle to make friends and are socially awkward. She may like you but is struggling to be able to respond to you, etc.
She talks to my friends and anyone else just fine. It’s specifically me.
This is really sad, and seems really shallow, like they are not true friends because they seem to care so much about the coolness factor of having an older friend.
NTA. I think everyone in a group chat should have to consent to add an additional member. Not that that matters much, because they could just go make a new group chat without you anyway.
NAH just high schoolers.