I (21F) struggle to deal with my older sister (27F), who is mentally ill and autistic, and a shut-in.
I am new to reddit, so I apologize if this text doesn’t make sense. As the title says, I am not too fond of my sister. When we were still kids, we used to be very close, but now that we’re adults and have our own goals and paths in life, we don’t see eye to eye.
When I was still in high school, my sister dropped out of college, and now that I am starting college next year, she has been a shut-in ever since. I don’t remember exactly what events led to this, but she has now refused to step outside without our mother for over four years.
She refuses to work and doesn’t contribute to the household chores at all. Even when our mother (64F) is tired from work and taking care of our grandparents, my sister will not even leave her room to do the laundry or clear out the dishwasher. The only help she provides is cooking maybe once a month, but only when I complain.
And by "mentally ill," I mean she suffers from severe social anxiety, agoraphobia, and is chronically online. She spends her days on her PC and consumes harmful media daily, which doesn’t help her anxiety. She does take medication for her ADHD, but I haven’t seen any improvement.
What bothers me the most about her behavior is how she always somehow comes out as the victim in every argument we have, especially when we try talking about our different perspectives on topics. One of her favorite topics to discuss is the unfortunate violence that happens daily to women. I agree with her views, but hearing every morning about a new cruel case or terrible crime that occurred is incredibly tiring for me to listen to. I try to tell her gently that I do not wish to hear these things every day and during every family meal, but I get called a b for not supporting her because she can’t help herself due to her autism. I am autistic as well and struggle greatly with voicing my own opinions, so it frustrates me when she uses it as an excuse.
So, AITA for disliking my shut-in sister?
NTA. Your dislike stems from the unfair burdens and emotional strain her non-contribution and dismissive attitude place on your family.
It sounds like your sister needs some kind of therapy and your family definitely needs some respite. Are you based in the UK? The National Autistic Society or Mind.org.uk might be able to advise on what help is available and the best course of action.
Unfortunately, we do not live in the UK, but my sister does have therapy regularly (about once a month). She’s only been going for a year, but from what I’ve heard from my mother, it has been going rocky at best.
Do you have the means to move out? Maybe find a roommate. This would be much better for your mental health. Then you can choose how often you see your mom and sister