Throwaway acct for obvious reasons
My family owns a small vacation house in Florida and the whole family spends a week there every other year. This year’s trip is coming up in 3 weeks. The people coming are my brother (32M), his wife, and their 2 kids (8M and 5F); my sister (26F), her husband, and their kid (4M); and me (28M, single and childfree). We’re each paying our own way.
The other day, my sister called and told me that she and brother had planned a “couples day” with their spouses in the middle of the week. The idea was that the 2 couples would spend the day on the water and then go to a nice restaurant for dinner. She asked if I could watch the kids during this time.
I said no. She thought I was joking until I doubled down, and then she got audibly annoyed. She kept asking why not, why can’t I help out this one time, why am I being so selfish. Look, I like my nephews and niece, and they’re good kids. But I’m not a “kid person”. I’ve babysat them before, and hated it, even though I love them. I don’t want to spend vacation babysitting, even if it’s only for one day (and it would be the whole day).
She asked what other plans I had that day, and I said none. That made her mad, and she kept saying that if I have no plans, there’s no reason I can’t watch the kids. I said I would spend the day enjoying myself, whatever I ended up doing, and it wouldn’t involve kids. She got so mad she hung up on me, but she and brother have both been texting asking me to change my mind.
In the past, my parents have watched the kids while the couples have a date night, but they’re not able to come to vacation this year. I feel like it’s not my responsibility to watch their kids, and I have a right to say no, but that I also might be an asshole for refusing to help this one time. AITA?
You should skip these trips when your parents don’t come. NTA
Agreed but how parents gonna be mad that you don’t wanna spend time with their kids when they don’t even wanna spend time with their own kids?
There’s a solution to the problem.. it’s called BIRTH CONTROL!!!
OP is in no way an asshole and his siblings are unreasonable, but it is WILD that you think a couple wanting to spend one day together doing activities that aren’t child appropriate (a whole day swimming + upscale dinner) equates to not wanting to spend time with their children. And older parents having to miss one vacation with their adult children means they would have been better off not having kids at all?
Look, I am down to spend 24/7 with my 15 month old and my husband and I end up spending any time away from her talking about her and reminiscing over newborn photos.
NTA. It is your vacation too. They should hire a babysitter if they want a kids free day. However, at this point I probably wouldn’t even go on the vacation with them. They are just going to make it stressful and uncomfortable for you. Either that, or invite a friend along so you have someone else to hang with.
Dude, go somewhere else for your vacation or they’re gonna flee when you’re in the bathroom and be like…oh we’re coming back in 5 minutes
>Dude, go somewhere else for your vacation
This is what I would do. Relative asks for a favour? Turn them down politely. They don’t take no for an answer? Turn them down firmly. Other relatives chime in to pressure you? That’s your cue to quietly make other plans. Spend your money on a fun trip, solo or with friends, doing exactly what you want. Arrange to visit family some other time during the year.
And NTA obviously.
Edit: I mean, they are planning fun activities and NOT INVITING OP TO COME ALONG. They don’t even want to spend time with you. They just want to use you for free child care.
NTA. Your siblings planned a day away from their kids, which is perfectly understandable, but assumed you’d watch the kids. They asked and you refused. It should be end of discussion. They can hire a babysitter for the day. It is your vacation as well and not your responsibility to watch their kids. At the very least, they should offer to pay you if you are doing them a favor and not just assume you will do it and for free to boot.
NTA. She needs to confirm child care before making plans. You’re also paying your own way, so basically you’d be *paying* to be her babysitter. On vacation. Miss me with that.
NTA. The two couples can organise alternate ‘couples days’ between them by looking after each other’s kids. They can do the same for going out in the evenings as well. If they try to spring anything on you while you’re there tell them you’ve had too many beers – even if it’s 9am.
NTA. I’m more offended on your behalf that you weren’t invited to join the adult day on the water. ‘Couples day’ is bs that allows them to exclude you and shove their kids onto you. Nope.
I agree, this would be incredibly hurtful to be excluded by my sibling this way. It’s not even like OP is a significantly younger or older to the point they wouldn’t enjoy the same activities.
If OP had a significant other, but no kids, would they be invited to activities? Or would they both be expected to baby-sit still?
I’m willing to bet that if I had a partner then we’d still be excluded and expected to watch their kids. I get the impression that “couples day” was a convenient way to frame “day away from the kids”
NTA. So…the two couples wish to exclude you simply because they assume you’ll be their nanny? One couple can have a child free day while the other couple watches all the kids, and then they split. Sounds like they don’t want to spend time with you, which is really crappy of them.
NTA.
Being “voluntold” you’re babysitting is crazy work to begin with, but ESPECIALLY for a whole day, and SUPER ESPECIALLY for a whole day on vacation.
She can act however she wants, but doing this:
>”Hi brother, just wanted to call you up and tell you about this super cool day that all the other adults planned. Doesn’t it sound so fun?!
Oh yeah, not only are you not at all invited because you’re just a loser singleton, but also we’ve made all these plans assuming that you’ll embrace your sad male spinsterhood and watch all of our kids all day.
What?! You won’t do it?! That’s so selfish of you! And I say that with no sense of hypocrisy or internal shame!”
and then somehow acting like YOU’RE the one in the wrong is absolutely peak entitled behavior.
Honestly, I’d really consider not going – at this point I don’t put it past either of them to sneak out early in the morning and leave you with the kids. Even if they don’t do that, it sure seems like this week is going to be full of the passive-aggression and is that what you really want for your vacation?