I (f19) live with my boyfriend (m20). He works full time and pays all the bills. I stay at home and do Intensive Outpatient Therapy. I have been looking for jobs also but have yet to find one that will hire me that is decently close to where i live. One of my main responsibilities is to keep the house clean which means doing all the dishes, laundry, sweeping and mopping the floors, vacuuming etc. Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with this all and have felt depressed. I asked my boyfriend if he would mind doing the dishes at least half of them since he makes 50% of them. I don’t expect him to do them all the time just help every once in a while. Am I being the asshole for asking this of him?
Yeah until you start contributing financially, you’re the asshole. Hey bf go work and play for everything, and I want you to do the house work. Sounds pretty selfish to me.
She literally said she’s in an intensive outpatient therapy treatment plan. That’s pretty serious and has multiple appointments a week, some for hours. She could be in treatment enough hours to equal a part time job.
If she were healthy and well adjusted, I absolutely get what you’re saying. But she’s not.
I dont think you are an asshole, but i do think it is fair that you do the cleaning since you dont work.
NAH. You can ask him, and if he’s in the right mood, he might wash them, as a favor to you. Sounds as if he is also allowed to say no, as you describe your agreement with him. If keeping house for two is overwhelming, you’re doing it wrong—and make sure not to have children.
NTA for wanting it. But don’t be surprised when he wises up to the fact you are barely contributing and dumps you.
INFO – how often do you do his work for him? You realize “stay at home girlfriend” means the household chores are your job, otherwise you’re just a hobosexual.
Aside from the dishes, how often you do sweep, mop, do laundry? There’s just the two of you. There shouldnt be too much to clean. Please don’t have kids.
What is intensive outpatient therapy? Sounds like he’s carrying the entire financial burden the least you can do is keep up an apartment. By your logic he makes 50% of the dirty dishes so you want him to wash that to ease your burden, you create 50% or more of the bills being home all day it’s only fair you pay your share to ease his financial burden of carrying you. YTA
If he is on his feet or sitting…working 8 hrs a day, you can be doing chores 8 hrs a day. Whether working at home or working on the job, work is overwhelming. This is gonna be good practice for you when you get an actual job. This is coming from stay at home mom that takes care of a 2800 square-foot house… Overwhelming yes. But I was also a teacher for 15 years… Now that is ABSOLUTELY overwhelming and can be discouraging… I would rather be here, or I have freedom to arrange my day, than working corporate or professional. How big is your place? Do you have acreage? Does he have to work in the yard? Those are all valid questions. Look upon your household chores as preparing you for the real world. It’s an eye-opener when you have to stand on your feet all day all while staying positive and productive with-a smile on your face.
YTA. He contributes financially, you contribute domestically. When you begin contributing financially as well, then you would be able to share household responsibilities. If you ask for him to do 50% of the household, then you better back up the cost and expenses 50% too
Sorry, I’m not going to call you an AH but I think you realize that while you’re not working your “job” is to take care of the home. It would be unrealistic and AHish to expect him to work full time and pay all the bills and do your housework. Most of these chores are not daily tasks so it’s hardly overwhelming. Maybe not fun but still.
YTA if you try to step outside your situation and look at it, your job is to take care of the house, you don’t provide financial income, your partner does, and without that you wouldent have a house to clean. As somebody twice your age, if you’re overwhelmed by this situation, you are going to be in for a rough life. These are basic minimal tasks being asked of you. Take care of your personal responsibilities and talk to someone who can help you through it mentally, write a list of things you need to do daily and check them off 1 by 1. If you’re home is clean, the daily maintence required to keep it clean only will add up to an hr of your time at best.
YTA. You have the time to do this because you’re not working outside the home right now.
How can there be such a huge mess everyday?? Like how often do you mop? Vacuum? There are only two of you?