My boyfriend of 3 years lives with his grandparents and his younger sister. I spend quite a bit of time at their house, I cook for them and try to contribute what I can. I keep a small drawer in his bedroom as he has one at my place. He went on a camping trip this weekend and left his room a mess trying to get everything together for the trip. While he was gone, his grandma decided to completely go through his room. She emptied my drawer which included some spicy underwear hidden in the back. Took my toiletries out of his personal bathroom and removed our shared decorations. She put everything including a ton of his stuff into a bunch of trash bags and dropped them off at my house. There were 4 bags total 2 which were all his. I feel really violated and embarrassed she went through all of our personal belongings and treated them like trash. Because of that I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with going there for the holidays. He is acting like my request is unreasonable for not wanting to spend time there for the holidays.
From my perspective, I don’t feel welcome or respected in a place where my privacy did not matter. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to spend the holidays there after this?
Why was Grandma clearing out your stuff anyway? There’s going through your stuff and then there’s bagging it up and dropping it off. Why? What was the point? Is she trying to give you less than subtle hints that she doesn’t want you around?
Before I’d be willing to spend time over there, I’d need that addressed. I’d need my bf to explain to me why his grandma bagged up our belongings and dropped them off at my place. NTA. Something is off and I can see why you’re uncomfortable, and not feeling exactly welcome.
NTA but I think it’s time for him to get his own place.
NTA. She doesn’t want you there.
NTA. Grandma has sent a pretty clear message here.
NTA. This sounds more than just Grandma not respecting privacy, it sounds like she doesn’t want you there at all. Why else would she bag your stuff up and bring it to you. Seems to me it was a passive aggressive statement of trying to get him to move out of her house and in with you.
Of course you don’t feel welcome. It is clear to me that you aren’t.
But the bigger problem, your boyfriend doesn’t have your back. A man that won’t stand up for you when you are dating is one that will not stand up for you went you marry. It won’t change. Not only should he be understanding why you don’t want to come, he should have said something and changed his plans without asking.
She didn’t go through your and his stuff, she bagged it all up and took it out of the house. Your bf is going to have to speak to her and ask why she did this? What was the message she wanted to get across here. This wasn’t snooping. This was get your stuff out of my house. Don’t go back until he resolves it.
Yes, this was light on the passive, heavy on the aggressive.
NTA. She couldn’t have been more clear about how she feels about you and your boyfriend cohabiting or even just being together. I would stay far away from that woman if I were you. If your boyfriend can’t see why you wouldn’t want to be around his grandma, maybe you should be thinking about your relationship with him. I do wish you the very best.
NTA, grandma made it abundantly clear how she feels. I wouldn’t ever go back to that house
I doubt it matters what YOUR feelings are. She made it clear SHE doesn’t want you there.
I would skip it.
I agree you shouldn’t spend the holidays there, but I would have to know more about your bf’s age and yours and whether your bf pays any bills at grandma’s house, as well as the state of chaos and cleanliness in the room before I’d have an opinion about grsndma.
It sounds like she’s ready for you, your bf and y’all’s belingings to be out of her house.
NTA. But she’s been very clear. I won’t not go. Stop by to pick him up, drop off, say hello. I would not stay there anymore. How old is grandma ?
She is making a point that she doesn’t want you in her home
NTA. Granny has let you both know how she feels and you’re hearing the message – you’re not welcome.