I (22f) live with my BF (32m) in a studio apartment. We’ve been here for about 5 months now and my BF is the sole provider right now since I am still looking for work. My BF’s mother and grandmother live in an RV outside of town as they were kicked out for parking overnight too many days in the same parking lot.
My BF only makes about $1000 a month and that just barely covers our rent and food. I have been adamantly looking for a job because I know that the stress is getting to him and I want to contribute.
My MIL and her mother both have SSI and get $1,800 a month. My BF and I lived with them for four months and they are really bad at saving money. Whenever they both get paid, they spend all that money at once buying what they need, which is ok. However, they complain nonstop about how they don’t have money.
My MIL is also trying to get a new RV since hers is broken down. The AC and heating don’t run and sometimes her RV rolls back in park.
My BF and I wanted to help her. However, she’s put $3,000 in an RV that she knows is a scam and keeps giving the scammer money because she has hoped that it is real.
The other day, his mother messaged him asking for money. I told him not to do it because she will keep asking him for money. He agreed and sent her a text saying that he couldn’t do it because he didn’t have any extra money.
She blew up on him and told him that he was acting just like his dad, who he is not in contact with. She also said some pretty nasty things about me too, which sent my BF over the edge.
He hasn’t messaged her since, but she has tried to get my SIL to get him to talk to her.
AITAH?
EDIT:
My MIL asked for $200, which we did not have. In her last text to him when she blew up on him, she admitted that she did have some money, but wanted a little bit more
No is a perfectly reasonable answer to someone asking for money. His mom’s response shows very clearly that it was the right choice.
NTA
If by “told him not to do it” you mean that he was telling you about his mom’s request, you advised against giving more, and he agreed – which is what it sounds happened, then you are definitely not TA.
One of the more useful things I’ve learned in life is that you can only tell whether or not a request is really a demand by how someone behaves when you say no. Mom is demanding money from her sone, and is TA in this situation. If he caves under emotional pressure, he’ll be rewarding terrible behaviour.
Simply no you’re not an a\*\*hole for refusing your bf to help his mother. As you said he doesn’t have enough money to support you or him. You’re thinking about you and your bf. I mean yea. If he and you had the extra cash. *IM SURE YOU GUYS WOULD HELP.* But you guys are helping each other get ahead. So you will be in a position to help others later on 🙂
Do you really think you should be involving yourself in this situation. Objectively you are the worst off of everyone. You have no income, have lived off his mother and grandmother previously and currently live off your low income boyfriend who on $1000 a month can barely afford to support himself let alone you.
I really think this is a situation where you should have just kept your mouth shut.
I believe that she should get involved in this situation. Since now she is trying to find a job. To better help her boyfriend and herself. She is thinking rationally in this situation. Her bf’s mother shouldn’t bum money from her son. Since she knows damn well he is not in a position to help her.
She is trying to focus on their future first. So they can get into a position; Where they can help the mother.
NTA – you are not in a position to help at the moment. Sounds like she has enough money but needs to know how to better use it. It’s tough in tight circumstances. Maybe consider he can offer to help her budget and go thru her finances to help structure things so she has more breathing room?
That’s a good idea
Your partner is in his early 30s and needs be firm with his mum.
He cant support her financially, he doesn’t earn enough. He clearly cares for mum and granny and that is why he felt torn. It’s a normal reaction. Dont judge him harsly for it.
The main thing you need to focus on is getting a job to help ease the stress he is under. Try temp agencies, you can usually get office work pretty quick.
I want to hear more about this $3000 scam RV…
10 year age gap. Fully financially dependent on him. BF barely makes a living wage. What does he do at 32 years old that has him earn so little a month?
BFs parent and grandmother (not your in-laws as you’re not married) are shit with money. BFs mother and grandmother are toxic. He needs you to convince him to not enable.
Is this what you want for your life? You are young and have plenty of time to find better. Please do so.
NTA. You’re in a relationship, and even living together, so it’s definitely a shared task to stay fed and keep a roof over your heads. Even though you are jeopardizing that by having zero income, and even your bf is jeopardizing that by earning so little (seriously, only $12,000/yr wtf?), helping his mom financially would be jeopardizing that, too. It doesn’t matter whether your finances are technically combined, they are effectively combined in this situation.
Tell
Your
Boyfriend
What I told
A good friemd.”I can’t
Give
I
Money when it’s going for a scam:
It’s endless / we all know it
A scam/ I’ll help Mu out when the scam is over.”