EDIT: THERE WAS NO AGREED UPON DEPARTURE TIME. IT WAS JUST EARLY BASED ON WHAT SHE WANTED.
another edit: I decided I wanted to leave on the earlier side because it was so crowded- not because of anything she did. If it sounds otherwise in the story, that was my frustration at her trying to decide when we leave. Also, we have season ski passes. We can ski whenever we want, so a half day vs a full day doesn’t mean a lot in our circumstance.
On a Friday night I drove my friend, I’ll call her Alice, and I to a ski town. The drive was about 2.5 hours (little traffic but some heavy snow near the town). We were both excited and had been skiing all season with our first ski passes.
Saturday morning we got to the lifts and it was already madness. There were tons of people in line, and it was just as crowded & chaotic coming back down. This was the theme all day.
We got lunch on the mountain, and around the time we were finishing up some friends from back home Facetimed me. I chatted with them for 10 minutes and told them I was skiing (how fun!), but then I hang up and Alice is nowhere to be found. I was confused, but I eventually found here about 50 meters from the lunch spot rearing to go down another run. She waved her arms in disbelief at me. Maybe I should’ve told her I was getting a Facetime before she sped off, but she could’ve also started a run instead of angrily waiting.
Saturday afternoon: more of the same, just an extremely busy day on the slopes
Around 4:30pm we wrap it up and grab some après-ski beers. At first this was one of the nicer parts of the day. We had toughed out the crowds and still had a full day. We were enjoying hanging out with each other. I decided to mention I wanted to leave at noon the next day. Her eyes kinda shot out and she said "noon??…we can see how we feel". She was shrugging me off, but I decided to drop it at that time.
For some context, Alice had a lot of ideas for what to do all weekend. I’m a very type B / go with the flow person. There’s nothing wrong with that either way. At a certain point, however, I felt like she was walking all over me. She had decided she got the nice bed in the airbnb. We did all the ski runs she wanted, and we went to the restaurants she picked out. None of these individually would bother me, but on top of her completely shrugging off when I said I wanted to leave… the only aspect of the trip I felt strongly about… I was fed up.
I barely slept Saturday night and texted her "hey, just want you to know I’m planning to leave at 1pm tomorrow"… Because I drove, the slopes were a mess, and I admittedly wasn’t feeling great about traveling with her
She gets up that morning and is PISSED. She says 1pm is way too early to leave. She wants to get off the mountain at 4:30 (which means more time to get all our stuff and then traffic will be a nightmare). She accuses me of using things against her when I point out how many parts of the trip we did the way she wanted. I basically tell her that I drove and she can either come with me or find another way back (there are viable bus options).
Am I the asshole for cutting our ski trip short, or was I right to stick up for myself?
ESH you really should have made this plan before you left on the trip.
She sounds a little annoying, but nothing egregious, and you sound worse. You went skiing for just two days and decided to cut the second day in half… because it was busy? Because she chose the restaurant?
And then you texted her this instead of having a grown up conversation?
Her eyes probably “shot out” because she was trying to make the most of her time there instead of hanging out with you continuing to complain – or needing to FaceTime your friends for some reason??
YTA.
YTA…why wasn’t when to leave on Sunday agreed upon when the trip was planned? The fact that you did everything she wanted is your own doing. You could very easily have suggested other activities or restaurants but did not. That’s not on her – it’s on you. You don’t really sound like you like this person very much. Why did you take a weekend trip with her?
ESH. It’s unfair to spring an early departure on her if the plan was to stay all day Sunday, but you get a bit of a pass for being the driver.
If you didn’t want to do all the runs she wanted, or go to eat where she wanted, you should have said something. You are being unfair to be upset if you didn’t mind / didn’t suggest anything else. Ultimately it doesn’t sound like you are compatible travel buddies
Need more info: had you made a plan for arrival and departure times before you left? I can see wanting to go earlier but you should have made that clear before you left on the trip. Did you decide to leave early just because you were annoyed with her and she got to pick the restaurant twice? Did you speak up when you were deciding?
And maybe you two are just not good travel partners. I think you should have made your expectations clear before you went on this trip together.
ESH. You boast of a “go with the flow attitude” then it turns out that means you expect her to go with ***your*** flow. If you feel that driving gives you veto power, you need to lay that out in advance. “I’m planning to leave at 1pm tomorrow” is not exactly inviting a conversation. It’s just “Go with my flow or else.” You complain that she chose the ski runs and trestaurants: did you suggest alternatives that she steamrolled over? There is a place for advance planning if more than one person’s “flow” is involved.
As a person that will also just go with the flow and will do what everyone else wants to do, I do still like to know the plan, including when we are leaving to do a return roadtrip.
If departure time wasn’t discussed as part of the trip planning and you just arbitrarily picked noon and didn’t tell her from the beginning and then gave no opportunity for discussion, YTA.
If it was discussed and maybe Alice forgot, NTA.
But I think it is just ESH – you for not planning a bit better, Alice for her reactions (especially as the person needing a ride home).
Wait let’s recap, you and a friend made plans for a weekend trip where the expectation is a full weekend?
You leave Friday night, everything seems cool. You go with the flow as your friend voices opinions, not disagreeing with anything. Then on Saturday you decide to take a FaceTime call with friends while she is waiting for you, which was long enough that she could have made a couple runs so we talking an hour? Thirty minutes? It’s incredibly rude to take a call with other people for extended amounts of time while hanging out with your friend, especially if you don’t warn them you will be awhile and they should go ahead.
Then that same day you say oh yea btw I want to leave at noon tomorrow. Does that even give you time to get to the slopes? Sounds to me like your friend agreed to a 2 day skiing trip with you, and you decided in your laissez-faire method to alter it to only one day at the slopes while they had to sit around waiting for you to get off your phone.
YTA and ought to reimburse her for the second night of Airbnb.
ESH, you don’t go facetiming people when you’re out with other people, and you say you’re go with the flow but you’re really not. Did you suggest alternatives? Who booked the BNB? also this is why I always take my own car. Yeah yeah it’s anti environmentalist AF but at least you don’t get stuck somewhere. Also if you leave later than 4:30 traffic will lighten up.
Info: how long was this ft call? You said she could have gotten a couple runs in so like an hour or more..?
ESH
The time to mention your issues is in the moment, not to stew on them an then almost punish her for not realizing you’re unhappy.
When she “claims” the good bed say you’d rather flip a coin or do rock/paper/scissors. When she states which runs she wants to go down you let her know that you’ll be on Run X, while she does Y.
I get it, it’s easier to go along. But only go along if you’re truly okay with what’s going on. Saving up grievances all weekend just made you anxious to end the trip and get angry you did.
No one won this weekend, when everyone should have.
YTA if you both entered the trip in agreement to ski 2 full days.
This should have all been decided before you even left for the trip. You say you didn’t mind her choices for meals, activities, etc. as you are a “go with the flow” type, but then you threw it in her face. If you really didn’t like her choices, you should have spoken up. I personally wouldn’t want a friend who throws crap back at me later. I’m going to have to say YTA for the way you handled this.
You’re gonna abandon someone 2.5 hours from home? YTA