I am 39 year old male. I am planning to legally change my first and middle name in the new year. This is something I have wanted to do since I was a teenager as I have always hated my name, it is a ‘unique’ female names…nothing about it says male…and people often assume I am a female before meeting me, that isn’t they can pronounce the name. When I was 14 my parents split, and my Mom changed our last name to her maidan name. She knew at that time I hated my name and wanted to change it. Long storey short it became I big fight and it never happened, in-fact she changed my middle name from my Dad’s first name to another name that she knew I did not want or liked. Since this happened, this has been a wedge in our relationship. We use to have screaming matches about this when I was younger where she would make fun of me for what I wanted to change my name to. As time went on the screaming matches stopped and got replaced by smart ass comment from her about what friends and people named their kids, when she never liked the name and/ or thought it was stupid. She would always say “and you thought your name was bad”. Now it is just a no go topic, and names are something we never talk about if something about a name comes up, the topic is quickly changed and steered away from anything name related. I admit I have also contributed to this silence, that’s just my personality. I honestly do not think my Mom knows why I hate the name so badly, she has never taken enough time or interest to learn the reasons. It has always been about her and how much she loved the name when she picked it out, how much work she put into picking the name, and how much she hates the type of names I like and what I want to change it to. She often said, “I hope your kids hate their names so you know how it feels and how much work goes into naming baby”. I know this sounds stupid, but my name has had a negative effect on my self confidence and how I view myself throughout my life, even thou I have tried not to let it affect me. It has also had negative effect on mom and my relationship. I do not have negative feeling towards Mom on what she named me as a baby, it’s her actions and games when I was 14 that bother me still. Something she denies.
AITAH for changing my first and middle name to a name I love, even thou I know it will hurt my Mom’s feeling and I am knowingly using a name I know she hates and totally drop the name she picked for me? This is something I want to do for myself, and I wish Mom would understand instead of seeing it as an attack on her. I am not interested in using any version or combination of my old name in my new name.
I still do not understand why my Mom pulled that stunt off at 14, and at the very least why she never put my middle name to the name I loved so I could use it as a adult, instead of a middle name that carries so much hurt with it. She obviously knew about the name as she use to make fun of it like a 5 year old.
NTA. At 39, you can use any name you want. Mom will cope, and you’ll be fine if you ignore the crap she is going to dish out.
39 ??!????!!!!
Oh OP… You don’t need to change your name legally. You need to locate your spine.
Stop letting someone else dictate your own identity.
NTA. I’ve changed my whole name from the one I had at birth. My name can be described by “Hippy Hippy Popculture”. Now I have a name I actually enjoy!
You are not the asshole! You’re going to feel so much better to have your real name on your ID.
i saw an article about name situations like this. A medical doctor’s name is Marijuana Flowerchild, MD. i forgot her middle name/s but they were similar
NTA. That’s messed up, my dude. I can’t imagine giving a 14-year-old a name you know they hate.
giving your male child a female name is just setting them up to hate their name your NTA
My name is Sue! How do you do?
NTA, your name is yours to do with as you like. If it doesn’t fit you, don’t keep it.
Absolutely no context is needed. This is your name. This is part of your identity. It is yours to change. Firmly NTA.
NTA for changing your name for any reason. You are well past the point of needing permission or approval. Go for it.
NTA
I am happy for you to change your name to something you like! I’ve known a few adults who have done the same. My father hated his first name and went by a nickname that had no resemblance to his actual name. After his mother passed on, he legally changed it to an initial and his middle name stayed the same. He still went by the nickname.
Do you realize that you don’t have to tell your mother that you changed your name legally?
NTA and also, what the heck is wrong with your mother that she treats you so badly? There were so many red flags about her behavior in your post. I could totally see her refusing to call you by your new name once you change it. If my mother treated me like that, name change or not, I would be inclined to go at least low-contact with her.
It’s your name, you’re the one who has to live with it, you deserve to have boundaries and your chosen name respected.
NTA mom here. My child has changed their name. I don’t care. They are the same person I love. Sometimes it’s hard to say the new name but I try my best.
NTA. You should have changed it the day you turned 18.