My parents recently celebrated their 30th anniversary and reserved a private room at lovely local restaurant with our family. I called the restaurant to inquire if we could bring decorations and some treats, which they do allow for other than confetti or glitter. I arranged for several floral arrangements and treats as a surprise for my parents. My parents were absolutely thrilled and I thought our family had a great dinner celebrating them. When I got home, I received a text from my brother expressing his disappointment that I had not included him or his wife in my plans and that I made them look bad. My parents were going my brother’s house after dinner and I assumed he and his wife had a gift or something planned. He never inquired about doing anything together so I’m at a loss.
ETA: My brother, his wife, and many extended family members were at the dinner. There was not an announcement that I paid for the floral arrangements or treats. The only people who knew were my parents and my brother and his wife (not sure how my brother even knew.) My brother was hosting the entire group minus me afterwards and I didn’t want to financially impose as I assumed drinks and snacks at his house would be pricey. I guess he had not prepared to host the group and maybe it was awkward. I wasn’t able to attend so I have no idea exactly what happened.
NTA, if your brother is a grown ass man, he should have communicated that he wanted to do something together if he did. It sounds like he has happy to do nothing until there was a public consequence for his choice to do nothing.
I mean, yeah? It’s a common courtesy for families to celebrate family occasions together so I’m not sure why you wouldn’t have talked to him about it. He’s a big boy, so he also should have talked to you.
ESH.
He had me set up the restaurant and accommodations. My understanding was he was hosting the after dinner plans as they were all going back to his house. I wasn’t going to financially impose. I had no idea he ultimately had nothing planned. There was no public announcement I paid for it all, most assumed (aside from him and my parents) it was just provided by the restaurant.
wait, your brother had you set up the restaurant?
My dad asked for help reserving a private room for the group and my brother basically told me to figure it out.
oh so your brother is salty that he couldn’t take any credit for the nice things. i see eta: nta
Info: Your brother had nothing planned for when they got back to his?
I’m curious, did he invite you to attend his after-dinner get-together at his home?
Sort of but, he knew beforehand I wouldn’t have been able to attend. I was the only one not able to go. Also it’s not like there was an announcement I paid for everything. I think most guest assumed it was provided by the restaurant.
How do you usually celebrate this event? Did you want it to be just your family? I would say NTA even though I think it’s odd to not have spoken about this. Apparently, it didn’t occur to you. It totally depends on your usual MO.
She obviously talk to her brother about the dinner they were there.
NTA Is it normal for the two of you to go in on together on special occasions like this?
It wasnt for everyone. It was personal from you to them. And thats okay. There shouldnt be anything wrong wth that.
Him saying you made them look bad is really odd to me. They are 2 grown ass adults to your 1.
They could have done or bought literally anything for them so I dont see how you are what made him look bad, they did that on their own. If they feel their gift was janky or thoughtless, thats not your fault. Meaningful gifts do not have to break the bank either so it sounds like they already felt like whatever they had chosen, fell short before they knew what you had done.
I bet your parents were just as happy with both bc they love yas, they arent measuring love from their children monetarily or materialisticly.
You arent the asshole, your brother and his wife are fucking weirdos for trying to create the type of family dynamic that we are all “keeping score”. Fuck that, thats not how family should be.
OP, ask your brother why he hosted an after party without asking you for a contribution. Apples to apples.
NTA