I (32F) offered to make my husband (36M) breakfast this morning. I realized we didn’t have bread and my husband offered to walk to the corner store a couple blocks away and get some. I thanked him for being willing to do that and when he came back he had the bread and a few surprise treats (including orange juice and champagne – he doesn’t drink). I told him how thoughtful and sweet the surprises were as I continued to prep the kitchen to cook. Next thing I know he is laying on the couch playing video games. I asked him if he was going to make me a mimosa to which he replied that he was thinking I could do that. I pressed him a little and he said he didn’t know how, to which I responded he could look it up.
I tried to explain that while it was sweet to bring get those items, I felt like part of the "gift" would be pouring one for me. I explained that I’m in the middle of trying to prep/make breakfast for US, and that his way of "gifting" this put work (however minimal) back on me. He responded by saying that he should have only git the bread.
I even gave the example of someone gifting strawberries and chocolate to make chocolate dipped strawberries but not actually making them.
Eventually he got up and made the mimosa but he continued to grumble and communicate it was basically wrong of me to be frustrated by this. However, as there wasn’t an acknowledgement that he could even see how I might feel that way and he continued to make comments about how he shouldn’t have even got me a surprise; the positive feelings had been washed away and I stopped making breakfast and we went to our own areas.
Now he is saying I was mean to him and am ungrateful.
So, am I the asshole for expecting/communicating to my husband that if a gift requires follow through, that is typically on the gifter?
Edit:
– I was not upset that he was not helping to make breakfast
– I did not ask him to go get bread and I thanked him for doing so
– He agreed that I asked him nicely
– He agreed that I communicated I was busy cleaning/cooking
– I also don’t know how to make a mimosa but we both have the resources to find out
– He did not ask to give him a certain amount of time (ex. Hey give me 5 mins, once I complete this mission, etc ) when I asked him to pour
I think YTA. You turned a nice little gesture from your husband into a petty fight and what seems like you having control issues. Grow up and pour yourself a drink you are an adult.
Not to mention how OP beautifully pivoted from “Why don’t I make us breakfast?” to “Why don’t you go down to the grocery store and get me ingredients?” to “Why haven’t you made me a drink?”
Suddenly the breakfast doesn’t sound like as much of a treat.
ESH
It’s ridiculous for either of you to argue over this. How difficult is it to pour your own drink after someone buys you champagne? How difficult is it to pour it for your wife when asked? All either of you had to do was *pour something into a glass* but you both turned it into a pouting argument. Immaturity rings loud and clear on both ends.
Yes yta, you’re just power tripping. He doesn’t drink and wasn’t even expecting a mimosa for himself. He got the champagne as a gift to you, and you ruined it. Congrats.
YTA. You sound kind of controlling. It wouldn’t take much time for you to pour yourself a drink. You basically ruined a thoughtful gesture on his part.
you sound exhausting. he did something nice for you unasked, that he would not get any benefit out of because he doesn’t drink.
would it have been nice to want to learn how to make you a drink? sure. but jesus christ, what a way to start a morning, with a nightmare pedantic conversation about “gift giving” when he just picked up some things from the store to surprise you.
YTA. You’re minimizing his already thoughtful gesture by saying it’s not enough. You probably shouldn’t expect many more surprises in the future.
Agreed…and the fact that a mimosa is champagne and orange juice that would take someone already in the kitchen about 15 seconds to make for themselves is just entitled amd ridiculous! YTA
YTA. You’re already in the kitchen, just pop the champagne and pour it ffs.
lol, YTA, and not very smart. He is going to stop being thoughtful if you act like that.
YTA – Took a nice thing and threw it back in his face for no reason. Just let the man relax
YTA. “to which I responded he could look it up.”. If that’s how you live your life, be prepared to be very, VERY alone in it.
YTA. Your husband already made a trip to the store, for you, because you decided you wanted to cook without checking if you had the ingredients. Then he brings home champagne for you, which not only didn’t he have to do, but he doesn’t drink, and you’re mad because he wouldn’t also make your drink.
YTA, he walked all the way to the store you can pour two liquids into a cup