Ex wife and I split in 2010. Divorce decree has 50/50 custody (on paper, not reality), no support order, and we both claim one of two kids. I claim son and she claims daughter. It’s been that way for 14years, but I’ve also been supplying all of their needs with no help/support from her and just never wanted the fight over dependents and taxes. My CPA recently told me that my 2023 return was adjusted because my son was claimed by someone else, meaning my ex claimed him knowing it would mess with me and didn’t communicate it.
EDIT FOR CLARITY: I have happily been the sole provider of >95% of both kids’ needs and housing for essential the entire time, never wanting to rock the boat and knowing she couldn’t really afford child support so I never asked for modifications. She then claimed both (not just one as agreed) on her 2023 return and I just found out.
Because of some complicated stuff and business I pretty much always file in October and sometimes the IRS takes 6mo to get back to us for anything at all. Now that I have this information and feel burned, I’m considering the retributive action of amending as many tax returns as allowed to include our daughter that I legally can, but the IRS would likely go after the ex for the overpayment and improper filings.
Yes, legally and ethically I would be correct in doing this, but maybe not morally. Why? So glad you asked. I’m not rich, but I do pretty well she she’s basically destitute. I pay more in taxes than she makes. She’s got another kid and she’s honestly a pretty crappy mom. Due to some issues with autism and impulse control, our son ended up living with grandma and now with her and he cannot live here. I provide many of his needs and give him cash but none directly to her. No more details will be provided.
The result of doing this would be that I’d get a small refund for each year I amended, but potentially a medium sized refund for the covid payouts during whichever year. It would be proper and correct, but she would go from barely making it to potentially ruined, then take it out on our son and her kid. I know I’m not responsible for her actions and wouldn’t feel so bad about *HER* consequence, but the ripple effect could be really bad for the kids.
TL;DR
Ex wife randomly claimed one kid against divorce decree. I can afford to let it go but kinda want to be petty and amend returns to reflect reality, which could result in essentially ruinous debt for her and her already bad situation would get significantly worse. WIBTA if I did this?
Info: if 50/50 is not the custody you actually have, how often do you have the kids?
This. I think OP may want credit but not custody.
I’ve edited for clarity. I’ve been the provider and she’s mostly been absent/weekend parent and barely making ends meet the whole time. I even built an apartment for her to live in for 2 years to get back on her feet.
I have been their sole provider the entire time. The first few years she had them *some* but not much.
My question is how often do you have them with you, do you take them to school, the doctor, how many meals do you make them?
He said she only has them weekends. I’m assuming he has to look after them during the week right
He edited after my comment.
I feel like I’ve thoroughly answered that question. It has been me (and wife of 13yrs) the entire time for both kids. She has never made any significant contribution to their upbringing except for the first few years with weekends and school breaks. By all rights I could have had the decree modified to reflect this, receiving support from her and getting both dependents on taxes.
I am confused at this then “Due to some issues with autism and impulse control, our son ended up living with grandma and now with her and he cannot live here”
Is it in your son’s best interest to be petty, as u say, an amend? If so, NTA. If not, still NTA but not worth it if it isn’t a financial burden to u, since his day to day care falls to another adult
Why not get this year amended, if You have justification to claim the child as a dependent, provide the IRS with proof—she will get a bill for the improper refund, and you can file an amendment for the refund you were entitled to. We went through more than 10 years of this with my husband’s ex—she lost every time, as well she should have. Side note, the tiny bit of satisfaction you would get from doing something devastating and retaliatory to your ex, isn’t worth the harm it would cause your child.
When my ex claimed one of our kids. I had to provide proof they were enrolled at school under my address which proved they live with me and he got penalized. I would think you provide
Your divorce decree and school VOE
NTA
If your support of either of your children fits the qualifications for the tax break, take it.
Take the return that you get for each child and open a dependent ROTH IRA at something like vanguard. It’s free, takes a couple of days for them to approve. No fees.
Deposit whatever you get as a return into the account for each child. the younger the children the better because of compound interest.
Invest the roth IRA into a stock market index fund. I like voo, but vtsax or other similar fund. very low fees, good returns over time, good long term investment you never have to think about again. do that every year when you get your return. you can have your cpa figure out the amounts.
in 20 or 30 years each child will have a meaningful amount of money in their name; if they just leave it there or make their own contributions they can easily have a million dollars each by the time they’re 40.
Support your children. That’s the moral thing to do.
I would provide the IRS with the court order and have them review both yalls taxes. She didnt care about how her filing both kids would affect you. And you need to put a pin on your child’s social so she can’t file going forward. Its almost that time of year