AITA for uninviting my vegan niece to Thanksgiving dinner?
Ok, so I (47f) moved to my husband (50m) country for about a year. I decided to host a Thanksgiving dinner for the family (BIL1 55m, SIL1 55f, Nephew1 m24, Niece 1f20 and vegan, then BIL2 53m, SIL2 45f, Nephew2 17m, Niece2 f14). I had my husband bring the basics from USA.
Background: SIL1 and SIL2 don’t talk so I can’t mix the families.
I sent out invites for the date/5pm just to BIL2 We can only fit1 fam, & we are closer with BIL2 family. SIL2 immediately replied that they can’t come because they have plans because BIL2 and Nephew2 are performing in a concert 2 miles away. Turns out the concert starts at 7pm.
So, Question #1: AITAH for being upset that they wouldn’t come to a dinner 2 hours earlier, or that they didn’t request the time to be a little earlier so they could come, or that they wouldn’t show up just for a little bit?
…since they couldn’t/wouldn’t come, Husband asked if we should invite the other BIL 1 family. I think it’s a good idea so I send them the invite.
background: SIL1 is a total momma hen type. She literally reminded her 17 years old at the time son to go poop before we left the house when we were all on vacation together. And no, nephew1 does not have any cognitive or physical disabilities (that I know of) and currently has finished his bachelor degree and holds a full time job. Still lives at home though.
SIL1 replies for herself, BIL1 and Nephew1 that they have another goose dinner at 6:30, so can it be earlier? We agree and make dinner to be at 5.
Niece1 replied that she doesn’t know yet, but will let me know.
Fast forward to today (Monday before Thanksgiving) and SIL1 says Niece1 may or may not come, so I don’t need to make anything vegan, but if she does come SIL1 will bring vegan food. Mind you, I was fully prepared and planning to cook vegan specially for my niece because I love her and support her life decisions. Niece1 loves 45 minutes away and does not live at home and has stressed ALOT since I have been here that she is very very busy. Also, she’s vegan I think she won’t like a huge turkey.
I message SIL1 back that Niece1 does not need to come, it’s ok because I honestly didn’t think she would come anyways but was hoping to since we are only living here for 1 year and I have probably only seen her about 4 times.
SIL1 reply that she will cook and bring vegan food in case Niece1 comes.
I reply back to SIL1 that won’t work. I then message Niece1 that I got a message from her mommy (yes, probably a little bratty of me at this point) that she (niece) would probably not come, so to just not worry about it since I know how busy she is and don’t want to add another thing for her to have to do, but that is cool and understand and didn’t want her to have to risk, or just come so far out of her way for just a little bit.
AITA?
Question 1 – yes YTA for being upset at that. If they are performing in a holiday concert that starts at 7 their ‘call time’, the time they are required to show up, could easily be 6 or earlier. Don’t be judgmental, just take people at their words.
Question 2 – yes YTA for uninviting a family member over this. The logic is such BS to me. You supposedly were ready to accommodate her because you support her life decisions, but then turn around and uninvite her? They made it clear that if she comes you don’t have to anything special for her. Why are you INSISTING that your SIL’s plan to have vegan food for her daughter won’t work?
You are coming across as INSANELY controlling, petulant, and judgmental. Not the vibe for TG, OP.
And another layer is that she was set up to accomodate the vegan niece who hadn’t even confirmed she’s coming. So you know if she eventually RSVP’d no, OP would be mad because they went out of their way to accomodate a vegan.
I’m getting the strong sense that OP only hosts this in the first place to give herself material to feel self righteously mad over lol
Right! They’re only in the planning stages and OP is mad at both sets of family at this point, without anything having actually happened yet.