Hello, excuse my spelling english is not first language for me.
Okay a little backstory- so last week me and my boyfriend were going to sleep when i noticed a fork on his nightstand, i thought it was weird and random that there was a fork there but then thought to myself "oh he must have been having a snack or something and forgot to put the fork away" and then just went to sleep without mentioning it to him.
few days later we were cooking dinner together when he takes a clean fork out of the cutlery drawer and uses it to scratch his back, under his clothes. I was a little shocked and asked him what he was doing and he said "my back is just itchy" and i asked why do you use a fork?? and he just said "cause i can’t reach there". i was kind of too shocked to reply so i didn’t comment further on it. Then that same evening we were going to sleep when he reaches in the drawer on his nightstand and PULLS OUT A FORK to scratch his back!! then i had to tell him that i did not like that he uses forks to scratch his back, because this is something that we eat with and he has a lot of pimples and hair on his back… and he just said that i was overreacting and it didn’t matter because they go in the dishwasher either way🫠
so i don’t really know if i am maybe overreacting….he really could use something else and it actually bothers me that he is using our forks – So, AITA for asking him to stop using forks to scratch his back?
Gift him a back scratcher, maybe even multiple to keep at different spots. He’ll love it!
Edit; NAH. like I get it it’s a bit nasty but he will clean it and the dishwasher is enough. I also feel ya, it’s not normal. Hence why back scratchers are a great gift for him, they can reach even further!
I kinda agree with this judgement. I get that it’s not a social norm and that freaks people out – but realistically it’s also no less hygienic than putting it in your mouth. If you’re worried that it’s not clean, arguably you should be MORE worried about the germs from inside someone’s mouth (essentially since stuff like cavities can be contagious). And if it is clean enough that that’s not a hygiene concern, this shouldn’t be either. It literally just weirds people out because it’s “not how things are done”. And that’s a little arbitrary.
These strict social rules originate from a time where our understanding of how germs worked was much worse and thus you actually couldn’t sanitise these tools properly. You couldn’t remove the germs, so you NEEDED that clear delineation. But that’s not the world most of us live in anymore. Now it’s just a social rule.
2 months later: “my husband is using a back scratcher to eat, aitah”
NTA. “A little backstory”: I see what you did there. The dishwasher does sanitize them, but that doesn’t mean what he’s doing isn’t gross. One of you should buy special forks, easily distinguishable from the cutlery you eat with and dedicated to this purpose. Or, of course, backscratchers.
I agree with him that technically it’s clean after the dishwasher, but I also think you’re not wrong to be grossed out anyway. It’s completely reasonable to not want to use the same tool to eat and to scratch. I would say NTA bordering on N A H and you should get him either a back scratcher or a dedicated fork that’s a different color from your normal forks so he stops using the ones for food.
NTA. I agree it would be icky to see. But don’t argue about it, just get some backscratchers. I got a multipack of them and have them in different spots in the house. I just looked on Amazon and see a set of 5 for $5.99.
It’s weird for someone’s back to be itchy enough that they have a designated scratching tool on-hand at all times.
You say his back also has a lot of acne so it sounds like he should try switching up his hygiene routine. Maybe suggest he try washing his back with hibiclens every other day. Could be a bacterial issue. If he can’t reach his back well to scratch, he probably can’t reach it to wash it properly.
Just a thought.
OP – get him some back scratchers and a back scrubber for the shower. Or just tell him to get them for his own self, he’s an adult.
I would also be grossed out by this, but also would be super annoyed that we would run out of forks faster and have to run the dishwasher more often.
Forks are also sharper than a backscratcher should be and may be doing him more harm than good.
NAH, the dishwasher does clean it but it still feels a bit icky. He needs some backscratchers. Get a bunch of cheap ones so that they’re just as convenient as the forks and he won’t have to hunt around the house to find it.
Get him some back scratchers. They work way better.
EWWWWWWWW! Buy the baby a backscratcher, OP. Yuk
I have backscratchers in strategic locations all over my house: bed, office, table near where I sit and watch tv, car, etc. I have dry skin. Love my backscratchers. I have decorated mine. They have fingernail polish on them, bracelets and rings drawn on them. You get the picture. If I’m going to have these weirdos all over the place, I want high end weirdos!
I’d recommend doing the same for your BF. Buy several for gifts and decorate. Maybe add a tattoo! The length alone will be better than a fork.
NTA. ewwwww. It is gross. Like, I guess it’s okay if it’s the designated back scratching fork. But not any fork that then gets used to eat, especially with a hairy, zitty back.
I just looked it up. There’s literally back scratchers available at Walmart for $2.50. And they extend.
I share your instinctual disgust, but rationally it technically doesn’t really matter if he’s putting them in the dishwasher. As other commenters suggested, the perfect solution is to get him a backscratcher. And maybe some anti-acne body wash so his back is less itchy in the first place. They’d be perfect stocking stuffers. NAH