So for some context my gf has always had a problem with keeping her room clean. Lots of clothes tossed on the floor, dirty dishes, snack wrappers, etc. For the past year and a half or so I have been helping her clean and get it back to normal (sometimes all by myself). Usually the room goes right back to being dirty within a week or two.
Last night she asked me to help clean it again and I had originally agreed but she insisted I start and she would join in a few minutes because she had worked and her legs hurt. I told her I want her to make the first step towards getting her room clean and I wouldn’t start until she does.
This turned into a big argument. She told me she has always had a hard time cleaning her room because it’s overwhelming and she finds it extremely hard to make the first step because of her mental health. She said I don’t understand her and how hard it is.
I know she struggles with depression and mental health issues and she’s currently in therapy but I feel like I shouldn’t have to keep cleaning her room especially when the work we do is gone within a short period of time.
AITA?
NTA and your girlfriend has ADHD needs to desperately be treated. Like now or it is going to affect your relationship further. She needs cognitive behavioral therapy. Possibly maybe even medication.
NTA, but your girlfriend needs medical intervention beyond seeing a therapist.
NTA. You’re actually supporting her in totally the right way – offering to be with her while she takes the first step, which feels overwhelming so you’re there for support, and then helping alongside her. This is like, the definition of a supportive partner for someone with mental health struggles!
It seems like the room cleaning is building up resentment, so I would stop immediately. Since there clearly needs to be some repairs after the argument, lay it out that you’re happy to help her in the future and support her in the first step, but you don’t want to feel like it’s your job and won’t be doing it for her solo.
Also… if this is a thing for you, I’d look at evaluating the relationship long term. Matched cleanliness is a HUGE factor in whether or not you will be compatible in the long long term.
NTA.
If you’re not capable of cleaning your room, you’re probably not ready for a cohabitating relationship.
NTA. You’re not her mother and she’s not a teenager. I feel for her, the lack of energy and motivation when you’re depressed is awful, but you shouldn’t have to do chores for her. You’ve been very kind to help her so far, she doesn’t get to demand your help