AITA for talking down on my son…
For context purposes he’s 9yrs old and we live a crunchy lifestyle so we make things from scratch where we can not to mention I work a full time job, technically two full times jobs if you include being a full time mom, but anyways back to me being an asshole we had this conversation about what to make for lunch my 7 and 4yr old both said mac m n cheese which is quick and easy also great for me because I got off work and home at 1am so I’m a bit exhausted, the 9yr old said pb&j I’m like try again we are out of peanut butter and I’m not really up for making some right now he comes back with "oh that’s right because you’re lazy" um excuse me sir but who keeps the house clean? Who does the laundry and the dishes? Who makes lunch and dinner every single day? The list can go on at the point did I mention I homeschool all three of the kids so let’s add that to the list of jobs I already do, anyways now I just keep telling him "you know why you aren’t getting your work done, it’s because your lazy" why are you watching TV, is it because your lazy" "you didn’t pick up your dirty laundry because your lazy" now in my defense I’m simply just trying to make him realize how hurtful his words were to me when I know I’m not lazy
Now can someone please tell me if I’m an asshole or if there was a better way to handle this situation.
YTA
A 9 year old is not cognitively capable of understanding and appreciating all that you do for him. You could sit down with him and tell him that it felt bad, you can compare it to him in simple and direct terms so he understands what you’re saying, but this passive aggressive bullshit is just going to hurt your relationship with him.
Separately, when you tell a child about himself, he is going to believe you. A nine year old hears “You’re so lazy” and then behaves as a lazy person would in the future because that is what he is, obviously. It creates a feedback loop that worsens the behavior and doesn’t offer him a route to improve himself.
All of this and YTA for not using punctuation until you started berating your kid.
YTA. As the parent it’s your job to be the adult. You acted like a child. It’s good to correct his bad behavior, but your actions don’t teach him it isn’t okay. Instead you’re showing him that a trusted adult is just going to be mean to him. Not productive.
YTA. You know what’s lazy? Insulting your kid instead of teaching him.
This is where you sit your kid down and say “When you called me lazy, that hurt.” You ask him to write up a list of the things you do around the house, and then you help him complete it. (“What about laundry? Who does that?”) Then you ask him to think about all the stuff you do and re-assess whether he really thinks you’re lazy, and gently suggest that maybe an apology is in order.
>now in my defense I’m simply just trying to make him realize how hurtful his words were to me
so youre being defensive against a 9yo? hmm
and youre teaching him that being indirect with his words is what works when trying to convey what hurts, theyll inevitably take after you…which does not sound like a good things
yea obviously youre the ah, you admitted to it, your just here venting about all the shite you got goin on but trying to clothe it in “should i talk down to my 9yo?”
sometimes children say some shite thngs that are hurtful
You set a standard for your children by making everything from scratch. Lie in the bed you made. You’re an asshole for continuing this petty string of comments.
YTA. You are the adult, act like it.
YTA. Children don’t speak to adults that way. When he has a job and speaks to someone like that, he will be fired. You tell him that it’s not acceptable for him to say those things to you and punish him if he does. You do not answer to him. You’re being very immature with how you are handling this. Insulting a child is stupid.
You know that YTA. You are an adult and he is a child.
Yta, it’s honestly a shame you have kids because you aren’t mature enough to do what parents do without having to have your children tell you you’re doing a good job lol
YTA. Once or twice was fine immediately after, but kids’ brains don’t work long term like adults do. He is no longer connecting your words back to his actions, he’s just hearing the insult.
If he is being home schooled I can understand his resentment. His teacher doesn’t understand what paragraphs are. His teacher doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re. I can understand why he thinks you are (you’re) stupid.
Punctuation is a thing. And yes YTA. How is a kid supposed to learn if you talk back and mock him instead of actually parenting.
There’s one thing my parents always tell their adult friends/family who complain about their kids — “they didn’t ask to be conceived and birthed, you chose to bring them into this world”. Yes, you do a LOT for your kids and sucks to feel like they don’t notice all you do for them. But guess what? It’s your responsibility as a parent to do all of that, and it’s their right as a child to receive all of that.
You’re acting like a petulant little teenager who’s trying to teach her first boyfriend a lesson through passive aggressive behavior. Your 9 year old is still essentially a tiny and new human. He’s still learning how to communicate, understand social etiquette and cues, comprehend human behavior. All you’re achieving through your passive aggressive way of communicating with your child is facilitating the development of an unhealthy attachment style and negative perception of self in your little human.
Sit down and have an age appropriate conversation with your child. Reflect on how you were parented and how you parent – oftentimes we mimic how we were parented and that may not always be a good thing. Maybe also consider not homeschooling your kids. It’s obvious you have too much on your plate. As a single parent, it’s even more important that you look after your own health and well-being.
YTA in this situation