So I (17f) am moving out with my boyfriend (18m) right after I graduate high school. Let’s make one thing clear I have a good relationship with my family not the best but I think that’s everyone. My parents don’t really like my boyfriend but I love him and we are already talking of getting engaged. I haven’t told my parents because they are strict Christians and they believe that I shouldn’t move in with him until after we are married. I’ve been hanging out with my friends during the weekend to get away from my parents. My friends are telling me I need to tell them and that I need to hang out with them has much as possible. I’ve been really conflicted and I’m stressing about it because it’s all I ever hear. And with planning to move and getting money and everything. Am I the ah.
Update: let me clear some things up I’m not moving in moving in just moving to his city I’ll get my own apartment. We plan on being at least 20 before getting officially married we just wanna get engaged to say it ya know. We’ve dated for 2 years and I know we are young but we both believe if you know you know and other than money why wait.
Why are your friends saying that? Seems to me they should have your back. Are you sure your bf is a good guy? Sometimes it’s hard to tell when both of you are so young…
NAH.
I will just say this: you are very young. Moving out and engaged might seem like a grown up thing to do. He might be “the one” to you now. There is so much life ahead. Why put all your eggs in his basket? What is it that your parents don’t like about him?
Are you sure you’re not doing this as an act of rebellion against your strict parents? Why are you avoiding them if they aren’t that bad?
While I do not subscribe to the faith, I agree with them that moving out, getting engaged, and probably getting pregnant shortly after the wedding (or before), is not what I would hope for my young daughter. There is so much more to life than being a wife and mother at 18.
I fear you will be here in a year or two asking if you should stay or leave but you have a bunch of kids and no support or independence, especially financially, from your husband.
You can break an engagement we’ve been dating for two years and I wanted my own apartment anyway he will not live in it but he will be staying there a lot because I’ll move closer to him
Having your own apartment is different than moving out with your bf. Be and stay independent for a while, of course you and bf will likely stay over from time to time but having those years of learning adulthood and independence is important and you will change more than you can imagine. Our brains don’t fully develop until around 25 years old so I highly recommend that you don’t get married until then. You don’t need to be engaged to be committed and intend to get married. While 2 years may feel like a long time to you now, it’s not and you both will grow and change soooo much in the next 5-10 years.
I don’t believe you are but I think it fully depends on your relationship with your parents. I’m assuming your faith has changed from that of your parents. I would say that if you still share the same faith as them that you should consider keeping them in the loop even though they disagree (as scripture does say to honor your parents). Maybe wait till you’re officially 18 before moving in and making that commitment? Not sure how far your parents will try to take it legally since you’re under age.
NAH
You are 17 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are also not mature yet. You WILL change. Your likes and dislikes, your taste in men, clothes, life…etc. You are still a teenager. As a Mom to an 18 year old I will tell you what I have told her. I don’t care who you marry, but they need to treat you like a Queen. But never, ever, ever put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on someone and not be able to take care of yourself. Get your degree or certification, get a GOOD job (not a minimum wage one) and support yourself. Go have FUN! Be a teenager and young adult. MAKE MISTAKES! But, learn from them. Know what you want out of life. And, if they boyfriend is still there in 4 years after you have gotten done with College or Trade school, get married.
Wait til you have a career, trade skills, or finish college before getting engaged. Make sure you have good birth control!
YTA. When this relationship fails, which it almost certainly will, you’re going to need your parents in your corner. The fact that your parents are objecting to the boy specifically, should be a yellow flag. The fact that your friends are telling you to come clean should be another flag. Eighteen is so very young to move in with someone, and the fact that you aren’t being honest with your parents indicates that you don’t yet have the maturity to be in adult relationships.
Youre not even an adult yet. Don’t decide to do something rash
NAH, but you’re playing with fire if you keep them in the dark until the last minute. You’re almost an adult and can make your own choices, but living under their roof means their expectations are still a factor. I’d pick a calm time, tell them your plan without asking permission, and be clear you’ve thought about money, leases, and what happens if it doesn’t work out. If you want to avoid drama, start getting your ducks in a row now, savings, documents, a backup plan. Also, if part of the stress is finding work once you move, wfhalert is a service that emails verified remote job leads like admin or customer support, which can help you keep income steady while things are tense at home.
_we just wanna get engaged to say it ya know_
That is a terribly weak and faulty reason to get engaged. NAH, just be aware that your decision-making is impaired by your young age and inexperience.