I (26F) got into an argument with my manager ("M" for short). And while I have received feedback from friends that I’m not in the wrong, I figured I would get advise from complete strangers who don’t know anyone in the story.
I work at a tiny mom-and-pop-shop restaurant in a small town. A few months back we all learned that we were closing down – it’s not because we’re not getting business, but *it is* because of bad business practices. Either way, I’ve been really upset and scrambling to apply for other jobs. Due to the fact that we’re closing, the majority of the employees have a "don’t care" attitude – the exceptions to this are myself and M. And while, yes, part of me doesn’t care anymore since I’m more focused on finding new employment, I still care about this job for the sake of M.
So onto the real problem; Last week I was cleaning the fryers and doing a bank run to do the deposits (not necessarily my job but I’m trying to make things less stressful for M), and when M came in, she said hello and asked how I was. I had a lot on my mind, so I nonchalantly greeted her back and said I was "fine." It’s typically a lie, but it’s the most common one I tell, so I can get away with people believing it.
Fast forward to a few days later, when we’re working together on opening shift. I don’t remember exactly what prompted the conversation to happen, but at some point during the conversation, M brought up how she enlisted my coworker/friend – (nicknaming her "V" after my favorite fictional character IYKYK) – to get information about why I "hate" M. Here’s kind of how the conversation went (to the best of my memory):
M: "If that’s true, then you wouldn’t be ignorant, rude, and disrespectful to me."
Me: "How am I being rude to you?"
M: "You don’t care about this place like I do. You speak to me with ignorance. You’re very rude in your responses and how you talk to me."
Me: "I don’t understand how I’m being ignorant."
M: "It’s just disrespectful to not care when I’ve bent over backwards and ‘cut my own throat’, and denied receiving raises so that the rest of you guys could get those raises. And it’s very ignorant that everyone here does not treat me with respect for that."
Mind you, readers, this is the first time M has ever admitted refusing money to make sure the rest of us could receive raises instead. She’s told us she’s refused her raises, but never for THAT reason. This new information made me angry, and I raised my voice at M.
I yelled, "None of us asked you to deny your raises!"
M: "I know, but I still think it’s not fair that you don’t care about this place even though we’re closing. And I think you should just leave if you’re not going to care."
I then yelled back that I wasn’t leaving until the end because I made her a promise. From there, we went our separate ways for the rest of the day. I know I shouldn’t have raised my voice, but AITA?
This is seriously just silly
NTA. “And I think you should just leave if you’re not going to care.”. Sounds like she’s trying to get people to quit instead of being laid off. Quitting would make you ineligible for unemployment. Don’t fall for it. Stop engaging with her outside of the actual work. Use the grey rock method. Good luck with the job search.
Either way, the place is closing in a few weeks. I already started limiting contact with her outside of work a while ago due to her causing issues in my personal life (think relationship stuff), and I know she’s probably hurt because we used to be really close. I felt bad for yelling at her, though, and thought maybe that’s what M meant by me “being ignorant.”
NTA and your manager is acting like an insecure middle schooler. Ignore her, do your job and go home, don’t engage with her. She clearly doesn’t give a shit how much you care and wants to take her frustrations out on you so stop caring. Don’t do extra work anymore just clock in do the minimum and leave.