MIL has talked poorly of me for years, underlined my parenting, criticized my housekeeping, cooking, and care for "her" son. She is very toxic, cold,manipulative and controlling. She is nearing 90 and has lost her daughter recently, leaving just her son, me and our kids. I’ve gone to years of therapy just to deal with her and learn to set boundaries. Now when she’s crappy and manipulative and trying to control me, I set a boundaries on what I will or will not do and how I will or will not be treated. My husband has taken exception to this and gets very angry with me, generally using all kinds of toxic tactics to try and get me to do what she wants or be extra nice to her. His take is that she’s elderly, sad and lonely and I am being spiteful and caring drama. He says IATAH. I say that the years of hurt she has caused me arent erased because she’s old. I’m not saying no to be spiteful or mean, I’m setting boundaries to protect my own wellness. I don’t feel I owe her anything, and really less, because she was (and really still is) awful to me. AITAH because I’m not cowtowing to an old, sad, lonely lady?
NTA. She sounds like the elderly mother on *The Sopranos*.
Scariest character on the show!
NTA- you have a bigger husband problem. Why has he not talked to his mother all these years about her behaviour?
You have mostly a husband problem. And she’s not your family so whatever. Heck I cut out my Own mother for stuff like this, no way would I take it from an in law
This is true. The bigger problem here is your husband.
But to your question, you are NTA. I hear your girl, I know how it feels. Mine is only 64 but I’ve gone NC already and I’m more sane than ever.
Your hubby is an AH . After all these years are you better off with him or without him?
Just get a divorce and your life will be so much better.
NTA
You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. She’ll be dead sooner rather than later….. he’s going to keep being toxic for the rest of your life.
NTA
If your husband thinks his mother needs anything, he can give it her.
>His take is that she’s elderly, sad and lonely and I am being spiteful and caring drama.
He can live with her. I have no idea why you’re putting up with his whining.
NTA. It’s his mom, his problem. If he actually cares about her, he will get her in social situations and activities. He will make the effort. He will take the heat. Simple sentence: your mom is not my responsibility. It is you who has to do the work with her.
It’s a bed she made! She wants to be queen bee but she can’t do it under your roof. You actually have a husband issue. He doesn’t have your back. You don’t owe the ole biddy squat. She’s not your mother. NTA
NTA