AITA… my brother and his wife may be getting a divorce and I feel horrible. His wife snooped in his phone and found messages where we were talking about her. He also said in a text that he was only still with her bc of their daughter. Backstory… my brother and I haven’t been close so I told him I wasn’t the best person to baptize their child. But he asked me to please do it so I gave in. Fast forward to planning it I went to their house met her brother the godfather and I was asked to pitch in for the baptism which is frustrating bc as godparents we shouldn’t have to pay for anything. I scheduled a day to take their daughter to try on outfits and it bcame a big deal had to be cancelled. So I told my brother its fine you guys go ahead buy the stuff without me I’ll send the money. But in a text he said how he didnt like her brother and how she has to be in control of everything in which I responded I already knew but was giving her the benefit of the doubt but now I see it myself and also said how I didn’t even want to baptize their daughter but Im doing it for him and the baby. We’ll his wife read it and said she doesn’t want me to baptize their child which I totally get. But also wants a divorce from my brother and cant help but feel horrible.
ESH
Everyone in this sounds sucky, honestly.
Yeah I feel like that. Our other brother is calling me a homrwrecker for ruining our brothers marriage.
If he was talking shit about his wife and saying he was only staying for their child, then the marriage was already fucked.
Are you being honest is that all you said was that you didn’t want to baptize the kid and agree that the wife was controlling? The wife prob found more incriminating stuff and brother might be trying to blame you like a scape goat
I assume the relationship in general was going to crap because you don’t normally snoop through someone’s phone unless something is already bothering you and you are looking for evidence.
You also don’t jump to divorce with a child young enough to be baptized unless it is a final straw.
This sounds like a last straw situation. It’s definitely not great to speak negatively about a siblings spouse, and extra not great for a spouse to agree. That would hurt anyone’s feelings and feel like a betrayal and broken trust. There’s more here we are missing
It’s perfectly normal to act as a confidante to a sibling. It sounds like you weren’t being insulting or saying really fucked up things. NTA.
I didn’t understand any of this
If they actually get a divorce, just know that this would’ve happened either way, even if you never said anything negative about her ever. They are obviously unhappy with each other, this is very much not your fault. I’m sure you’ll blame yourself for a while, it can’t be helped. But there’s no reason to do so and I hope it doesn’t take you too long to realize that.
NTA in my opinion.
NTA, you were having a regular conversation with your brother.
Your brother is mildly a AH for talking badly about his wife and she is a bigger AH for snooping through her husband’s phone and getting mad at a private conversation between him and his brother.
You didn’t break up the marriage. If a conversation between him and his brother that she actively looked for was enough to break the marriage it wasn’t in a healthy place anyways. Your other brother is wrong. That said maybe don’t incriminate yourself in text in the future so you don’t have to be pulled into marital drama.
No OP you aren’t the AH. There is nothing wrong with you having an honest conversation with your sibling. His wife was snooping looking for something to hang him with. If not your conversation, it would have been something else.
The marriage was already fucked. He’s only staying there for the kid. He told you that. Why was she snooping his phone? Already problems!
ESH, I would be livid if my S/O and brother were talking about me like that, but her controlling behaviors and expectations of you to pay for some if not all of the baptism is wild work.
Looks like he got what he wanted.