Me (21f) & my friend (24f) went out to eat at a casual sit down place. Nothing too crazy, just something quick because she said she was hungry and wanted to get out of the house. I budgeted for this meal because money has been tight and I only planned to pay for myself.
Everything was fine until the check came. She starts looking around in her purse. Then she looks at me and says ‘I forgot my wallet, can you spot me.’
She said it loud enough that the server glanced over, and then she looked at me like I was supposed to automatically say ‘Don’t worry, I’ll cover you.’ But I couldn’t. I literally only had enough for my own food. I told her gently, ‘I don’t have it today.’ She immediately got annoyed and whispered, ‘youre going to do this to me?’
She asked the server if she could pay over the phone or Cash App someone and have them pay for her but the server said they couldn’t do that, so she got embarrassed and had to ask them if she could run to her car and come back. They made her leave her phone as collateral.
On the drive home she told me I made her ‘look stupid’ and that a real friend would’ve stepped in so she didn’t have to deal with all that. I reminded her I literally told her earlier in the day that I was on a strict budget, and she’s the one who convinced me to go out.
Now she’s being passive aggressive saying stuff like, ‘I know who I can count on now.’ I can say that as of right now we’re still friends, she’s just acting kind of iffy.
I meant paying **
She’s sounds like more of an acquaintance, maybe not a friend. I think she probably planned that expecting you to pay.
You don’t owe her dinner. Did she even offer to send you money right then or did she just expect you to cover it indefinitely? And then she’s guilting you afterwards. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.
She didn’t offer to pay back, but this is her norm. She always ‘forgets’ wallet and says she needs to be spotted but she never pays back.
Then absolutely NTA. She’s just a user who is mad that you didn’t let her mooch.
Of course NTA.
She forgot her wallet, that doesn’t make it your responsibility to have or carry enough to cover for her expense.
She walked into the situation herself, and helping her out from it is something friends do, but not something she should take for granted like that.
Things that don’t make sense:
How do you budget for an unplanned meal?
Was her car 10 miles away?
Why couldn’t she understand that you literally didn’t have the money?
NTA it almost seemed like a setup tbh-bc of the different comments she made afterwards. Telling your friend you couldn’t go out, and then making a concession to be able go if you stay on your limited budget showed you have flexible boundaries. If persistence or begging is all it took to change your stance, she figured you’d be the same with the bill. You’ve just gotta stick to your set boundaries the first time. If she hasn’t been able to find her wallet, the bill would’ve been yours. I wouldn’t count on her coming through to handle her own stuff again.
Could you have accepted a bank transfer and paid? (Also why did she have money in her car?)
Yes I could’ve! That’s the thing she asked me to pay then nearly seconds after I said I couldn’t she resulted to trying to cashapp somebody for them to pay, when she could’ve cash apped me?
she tried to finesse you, you didn’t cave to the pressure, you’re NTA.
‘I know who I can count on now.’ she says. All you need to do is the next time she asks you out to a meal and drinks is to remind her to bring her wallet since she doesn’t think you can be counted on. But watch, she wont invite you out again, because she couldn’t freeload and mooch off you. This girl is not your friend, she’s just looking for a free meal.
Why didn’t she attempt to cash app you?
INFO: could she not have sent you the money for you to pay? You’re NTA for not covering her meal, but it seems like there was a rather obvious solution to this problem.
Why didn’t she cash app you? If she was going to offer cash app to the server she could’ve offered it to you. She’s not a friend! NTAH