Edit:
There are a lot of comments saying IWBTA – which is totally fair, but I just want to clarify that it would never be my intention to confront my MIL directly, I would simply bring up the issue with my partner, because until this point I have never involved myself.
To clarify further, my partner has wanted to sell the house for 15 years, and has brought it up numerous times. They have gone as far as meeting with a real estate agent, and have had offers from developers as recently as this year. My MIL has at various points been totally on board, but inevitably backs out. He feels the same way as I do, but doesn’t want to rock the boat.
My son’s relationship with his grandparents is more important to me than money, so I would never want this to get messy / involve lawyers etc.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years, and have a three year old son.
When my partner’s grandmother died in 2003, she willed her house 50% to my partner and 50% to his mom (both only children). She was unwell for a long time before died, so hadn’t been living in the house since about 1995. Since then, it’s been completely empty / used as a storage locker by my in-laws. It’s an absolutely beautiful Victorian home, but it’s been neglected so badly that without major renovations it’s essentially a tear down at this point.
My MIL is extremely emotionally attached to the house (from what I gather, not for particularly positive reasons? It seems very complicated / traumatic for her) to the point where she flat out refuses to rent it out, let alone sell it.
My partner told me about the situation when we first started dating, and at the time I didn’t think much of it, and didn’t really feel like it was any of my business. Since my son was born I’ve started to feel differently.
For context, we live in one of the most expensive cities in North America – an average 2 bedroom condo here is $900k. We work hard and save as much as we can, but even if we came up with a minimum down payment, the mortgage would be suffocating.
We’re currently renting, which is becoming increasingly precarious/ stressful. We’ve already moved once due to the landlord selling the house, and we’re about to have to move again.
My partner’s share of the sale would give us enough for a considerable down payment and manageable mortgage.
My partner is very non confrontational and has generally avoided the issue. He’s brought it up a few times with her over the years and she’s either
a. flat out refused (due to the fact the house would be torn down)
b. become so emotional that he dropped it or
c. agreed it was a good idea to sell the house and “rid herself of the burden” but never actually done anything about it
* Side note, I’m an interior designer and have offered to manage the project / oversee the renovation if she wanted to go that route and avoid it being sold as a tear down. *
My son starts school next year, and I’m becoming quietly resentful that we’re struggling with housing insecurity/ might have to move him multiple times, when there is an opportunity for us to actually own a home.
I’ve been totally quiet up until now, because I’ve never felt entitled to this money, but I feel like my son is. WIBTIA if I put my foot down and tell my partner that his mom needs to sell the house or pay him out for his share? Or should I shut up?
Edit to add: the house in question is on the other side of the country – so sadly us living in it is not an option!
YWBTA. It’s not your house. If your spouse does not want to address it, that’s their business, not yours.
Yta you want money for a a new home so it’s a martial asset vs you not having rights to his inherited one.
I don’t think you’re in a position to insist that your MIL do anything. You are, however, in a position to insist that **your spouse insists on selling the house**. Holding onto it is becoming a problem. I imagine you’re paying property taxes? It’s absurd to be paying for a house you can’t live in.
So, YWBTA for telling your MIL she has to sell the house, but YWNBTA for telling your spouse he has to convince your MIL to sell the house. Go over to one of the legal subs – there may be a legal way for him to do this.
Oh yeah, I would NEVER say this to her – I’m thinking more just telling my partner he needs to get the conversation going for real. Appreciate your comment!
Don’t listen to all of these other people OP. You and your husband should absolutely force the sale of this house. You should not be harming your families financial wellbeing over the feelings of your MIL
The next time MIL agrees to sell the house but doesn’t do anything, you and your partner should offer to take on that responsibility and go ahead and get it sold.
Who pays the property taxes on this home? Who pays to mow the yard, etc.? How involved is your spouse in any decisions regarding this property?
It’s not your place to insist as it’s not your house so ywbta if you tried. Why doesn’t she get a mortgage on it for 50% of the value and then buy your partner out? That way he gets his money and she keeps the house.
YTA
Not your property. Not your place to insist *anything* happens to it.
Demanding someone else give up something of theirs so *you* can have money will pretty much always be an AH move.
Also, how is your son ‘entitled’ to the money? That’s a really thinly-veiled way of saying *you* want it.
They own half the home, or OP’s husband does at least which in a happy marriage where you’re on the same team that becomes a consideration. MIL has been essentially stealing from them by refusing to rent it out and give them their half of it.
INFO: Who is currently paying for the property taxes/utilities?
If it is a financial burden on your family that’s affecting your ability to afford a stable home, then it makes sense for you to tell your partner to sell. If your MIL is holding on to it for emotional reasons despite it negatively affecting her son and grandchild, then she would be the AH.
If it has no direct negative impact on your family right now, then you would be TA. If your partner didn’t have this inheritance, you’d still be in the same rental situation. That’s a separate issue you need to figure out. It’s bad luck with you having to move and certainly unfortunate (fuck landlords), but that’s not your MIL’s problem. Nor is it her problem that you chose to have a child despite your housing insecurity. Not wanting to be a landlord or renovate doesn’t make her an AH.
You were right in the first place, it’s none of your business.
This property isn’t yours. Quit mentally spending the money. The only two people entitled to it are the owners.
YTA. The MIL is not negatively impacting your financial situation at all. You would just want the positive impact from a windfall.