So last weekend I attended a Friendsgiving potluck that took place about an hour away from where I live. I brought an appetizer so I left my place early which would give me enough time to finish off my dish at my friend’s place before everybody else got there. My sister, who was going to the same event, called me saying her pet’s food got sent to her old address and she asked if I could pick it up on my way to the party. It’s important to note that she moved an hour away from her old apartment and doesn’t get to that area very often anymore. Her old place was right off the freeway and I was going to drive right past it, so I told her I could swing by and grab the food.
The problem came when I got onto the highway. I hit really heavy traffic and I was going to be later than I had planned. I get really anxious when I’m late to things and was worried about being too late if I ended up stopping. I called my sister and told her that I wouldn’t be able to stop because traffic was already making me late. She got really annoyed with me and repeatedly said “Are you fucking kidding me”. I told her I was sorry and that I wanted to be there early then she hung up. I got to the potluck and finished my dish 10 minutes before everyone got there and we all had a great time.
Today, I called her about our family thanksgiving plans and we got into an argument over the pet food. She’s upset that I didn’t pick it up because her old landlord left it out all night. She also said that I could have offered to get it on my way home from the potluck. I was also upset and told her that I feel as though she’s entitled to my time. (I might be the asshole here). I had a certain time that I wanted to be to the potluck and, because of traffic, I was already gonna be late. The way I see it is, yes I could have picked it up afterward but it honestly didn’t cross my mind. I told her that she could have asked me to and I would have. This also upset her because, from her point of view, if the roles were reversed, she would have offered to get it on her way home without me even asking. Ultimately, she’s upset because I’m not being apologetic and now she has to stop to pick up the food on a 4 hour drive to our mom’s for thanksgiving. Sooo AITA?
TLDR; I didn’t pick up a box of pet food from my sisters old place even though it was on my way to our friend’s house; she’s really upset because I haven’t apologized and now she’s inconvenienced
I personally think ESH, a hard one for your sister for not ensuring that the address was correct in the first place, however, people make mistakes and for going off at you. A soft one for you for not offering to go and pick it up after the event. If that had happened to one of my siblings, I would have done that!
After she cursed at him , why should he still go pick it up? She could have asked him nicely and he probably would have done it.
INFO: I think more context is needed here. Is the pet food something that she can go get a fee cans at Target to tide her over? Or is it special order $100+ prescription food that she can’t get elsewhere? Because in the first scenario, honestly, whatever. She can figure it out. But in the second scenario, YWBTA because those kind of things turn into a crisis.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t know where she lives? You thought you could pick it up on your way, didn’t work out. She could easily have reminded you. I wouldn’t have remembered her pet food after partying with friends for several hours. She’s blaming you because she messed up. All on her.
NTA. She needs to put her current address on her packages.
Yta. You said you would do it, she made plans around that, and then you canceled. You should have left earlier if you were that concerned about being on time-literally every map considers traffic into route calculations-and cared about keeping your word.
I see where you’re coming from. To be fair it was one of those instances where maps kept pushing the time further and further back – so it really didn’t account for THAT much traffic. Like I said in my post, I left early to give myself a cushion but the cushion wasn’t big enough ig 🤷♀️
Maybe your experience is different, but GPS often can’t account for unexpected heavy traffic. You can check the route time average for your time of day ahead of time, but while on a drive, if there is inclement weather or a large accident, drive time can increase significantly without any way to account for it at the time.
Your sister sounds like a princess. She likes things done the way she likes them. However, and this may be a shock to her, that is not real life. I would just move on. Plan your thanksgiving, if she continues to be ugly about it, and I realize this is short notice, just basically tell her hey either we can bury the hatchet or I just won’t come because I don’t want to ruin your Thanksgiving or mine. This is about family and it’s important to me but I do not want to sit through dinner with a lot of hostility. It may mean that you spend a Thanksgiving by yourself or with other people. But imagine the lack of tension if that’s what happens.
YTA- For not even offering to pick up the pet food on your way back from the party and the fact that, that idea didn’t cross your mind shows lack of empathy.
ESH. But if my sibling said yes than decided last minute it was in inconvenience when they were passing by it TWICE. I’d be pretty irritated. You also come off as quite cold and indifferent so if you took that same approach with her.. yta
But overall this is pretty normal sibling behavior
ESH …. You said you would, then didn’t! She should not have allowed her order to be delivered where she no longer lives!
NTA How long ago did she move? It’s also understandable that you didn’t think about getting it on your way back after she gave you such a hard time about picking it up to begin with.
NTA when people already have plans in place and are willing to attempt to help, you have to accept there is some risk they won’t be able to change things. You did call and warn her you couldn’t go because things changed. That was her opportunity to make alternate arrangements. This was also an opportunity for her to say “oh well is there any chance you could go on your way home instead?” I don’t think you were malicious about it and things do tend to get emotional when it’s siblings.