My mum had just left the gym and she was about to head home. Before she got in her car she called me and said ‘Go and make me a salad. Now. I’m hungry’ in a very harsh tone. She always speaks to me that way and I have been telling her since I was at least 12 years old (I’m 18 now) that I do not like the way she speaks to me and commands me to do things. Both the tone of her voice and the words she uses make me feel like I’m some sort of slave.
So I told her (in a calm tone), ‘Why do u always speak to me that way? Can you not say it a bit nicer?’. She started shouting and screaming at me that ‘At 50 years old you will not tell me what to do and you certainly won’t tell me how to speak. You are 18 and still living under my roof. I speak however I want to speak. And do not even dare make me a salad, I want nothing from you. Go lock yourself in your room, I do not want to see you. Go f*ck yourself.’ She then hung up on me while I was about to speak and called me again after a few minutes to repeat the same stuff again and hung up. I still made her the salad (because if I do not I’m gonna be called the adult who still lives at home and contributes to nothing).
She then proceeded to call my uncle (her brother), who is staying with us for the holidays (who I think understands my point of view but never dares to speak up) and she screamed at him ‘Tell her to take her f*cking dog with her and tell her to stay in her room. I don’t wanna see them again.’ My uncle didn’t say anything to me but I overheard so I just took my dog and left. She came home, slammed the door and I can hear her screaming and shouting at my uncle about me. Now shes screaming loud on purpose for me to hear her ‘She can go find someone who can feed her and stand her. She should go. I can’t stand her anymore.’ She also texted me (after coming home) and said ‘take your f*cking dog upstairs with you. if I see her downstairs again I will kick her out of the house’.
I genuinely do not think I am wrong. This behaviour has been going on for years. I am very open to change and correct things if I am wrong but I genuinely cant understand how I could be causing this. I understand that maybe it wasnt the right time for me to tell her to talk to me nicely cuz she was tired from the gym but this is a discussion we have weekly that always ends in her arguing, shouting, screaming-crying and acting like she’s a victim to everyone else. Also, she always says I should move out but when I said I wanted to move out for university and live in halls, she would try to talk me out of it every single time.
Guys AITA? What am I doing wrong??
NTA – your mom is very abusive. Id suggest you see if theres some way for you to get a job and leave the home (in whatever order is easiest), everyone deserves some sort of respect to not be screamed at in the least. Do you have any family you can move in with for a bit till you can get on your feet?
The only wrong thing you are doing is not finding escape routes out of this toxic household. nta.
Your mother is very mentally ill, no stable person reacts like this to a simple request to modify their tone. You have done nothing wrong but you also need to understand that there is nothing you can do that will make her behave like a stable person. The only thing you can do is get out ASAP.
That’s not mental illness, that’s being a rude nasty person.
Huge difference.
Porque no los dos
Pls leave her and cut the contact with her. You aren’t her slave. You are a person and you need to be respected .
NTA. That is abuse and you deserve better.
Get a financial plan together and get out. She doesn’t deserve your time.
NTA, I suggest moving out as soon as it’s possible.
Your mom has a mental issue that is so not normal. Listen love you need to find a way to get out of there for your own mental health. I was abused for over 20 years let me tell you it affected my life friendships relationships school etc.. I haven’t been in contact with the abusers for now 9 years. I feel very peaceful and my boundaries are stronger. If I knew who you were in real life I would of done something for you. I can’t accept this. That’s abuse. She is toxic she needs to seek professional help. This is not your fault she is projecting wtv she is feeling on you. She is using you as her punching bag. Am
Sorry I know it ur mom
But I hate how she is treating you.
NTA, move out & don’t let her talk you out of it. Move out now.
NTA. My mom was exactly like this until she finally got treatment for her mental health. Your mom sounds like a very sick person, and she is abusing you. I would take steps to move out of her house ASAP, do not let her guilt you into staying with her. Do what you can to not have to depend on her. It took until I finally had to go NC with my mom for her to finally get the help that she needed. That’s not me saying you have to do the same with your mom, but for your safety and mental health, you should absolutely do what you need to do to get your own place and have that option if it comes to that.
You’re in an abusive relationship. You really should leave if you can. Don’t tell her and dip. This is not normal or okay.
NTA. Mum isn’t well, and there isn’t anything you can do for her to change that. It needs to come from within herself.
Seek housing elsewhere asap. Also if you can, get some therapy. You are at higher risk of finding a partner that will treat you the same/DV, and continue this cycle – and we don’t want that for you. 🩷❤️🩷
NTA
She is being horribly abusive to you. Do you have safe family you can ask to stay with?