So here’s the tea. My friend decided to come to my city for a music festival. She asked if she could crash at my place for the last two days because her friends bailed. I said fine, no big deal.
I’m a creature of routine. I work at night, I stick to my sleep schedule, and I already told her I’m not about staying out late, hitting bars, or getting wasted. Thought we were on the same page.
First day: she asks to go to a cafe. Cool, I say yes. But she takes forever to get ready. I’m already done showering, clothes and makeup on, she’s still in the shower for literally an hour, still getting ready, so I fell asleep waiting for her. She wakes me up, annoyed that I fell asleep. 🙃
Cafe outing: she’s loud, messy, complains about the food not good enough, takes a million pics, keeps asking where we should go next, trying to convince me to go barhopping and then insists we take the “best” ride back to beat traffic. Spoiler: it didn’t beat traffic, and guess who’s frustrated? Me.
Then I try to prep for my night shift. She decides the living room is now her personal concert stage and blasts music. I politely ask her to turn it down because I’m in a meeting. Her response: “I’m bored.” OK. That’s fair… if I didn’t have a job and overstimulation issues. So I had to retreat to my room and work in peace.
After a long night and a late shift, I wake up late, exhausted. She wants to go out. I’m out. I can’t. So I said it. The words came out:
“Honestly, it would’ve been better if you booked an Airbnb. No wonder your other friends canceled on you.”
And now I feel like maybe I was harsh. But also… maybe not?
AITA for saying that?
Edit: I know it’s mean when I said “no wonder your friends canceled on you”. I was sleep deprived, exhausted from work because I have deadlines to finish and she didn’t stop her loud music. It was still on even after telling her to turn it down and I could still hear it even when I went to my room already. Right when I woke up and got out from my room, no good morning or whatsoever and she was already like “hey you took bad pictures yesterday, let’s find another place today and get better pictures or we could hang out to this bar I found.” 🤦♀️
I don’t understand – isn’t she going to a music festivals on the two days she’s with you and just crashing at yours?
This seems pretty cut and dry to me. YTA but ONLY for that last line about her other friends bailing. That was a bit cruel, otherwise completely understand the frustration.
I agree it was a bit harsh but honestly the entitlement of expecting op to go out with her after op made their expectations clear that they didn’t want to and then blaring the music knowing op had to work i feel she deserved the reality check i wouldn’t host them overnight again nta
YTA. That last sentence was just mean, IMO. You owe her an apology.
YTA for the “no wonder your friends canceled on you.” That was out of bounds and you know it. Fair she came into your space and disrupted everything. But you need to take ownership over the fact you know this person and knew this was a bad idea. You could have kept it fun and had her stay elsewhere and hung out that one free afternoon. Respect your own boundaries next time, and be a good friend.
NTA she sounds exhausting
ESH. I was with you, right up to: “*No wonder your other friends canceled on you*.” THAT was petty and uncalled for. It would have been enough had you just stuck to what she had done that violated your agreement.
She, on the other hand, ignored that you had to work, needed sleep and quiet, and had agreed to respect your boundaries.
ESH
She’s a bad houseguest who seems to think she can treat someone’s house like it’s a private hotel room where she can do whatever she wants. She has no care for others, you told her you had to work but she kept being loud and obnoxious. Also, who takes forever in the shower at someone else’s house? A good guest is aware of water usage and hogging the bathroom overall.
Your comment about her other friends bailing on her was just mean. Even if it’s true, it wasn’t necessary.
I will say maybe if you had sat her down to discuss it like adults, it would have gone better.
Why are you even friends with her? It doesn’t sound like you even enjoy her company.
Sorry – YTA Not because of wanting to set boundaries and getting fed up when friend didn’t respect you in your own home.
Trouble comes with the way you said it. Even the airbnb comment could’ve passed if you hadn’t added
>No wonder your other friends canceled on you.
That was hurtful. So, did she leave? Doesn’t sound like you guys are close enough to give much time/energy to this. She just wanted to crash at your place, not to see you. If you feel like it, text something like, “I’m sorry (if) I hurt your feelings.” End of.
I’m going with NTA. She maybe needed the reality check. Was it cruel to say? Yeah but a dose of reality sometimes hurts and I don’t think it made you an AH.
I just stayed for three days at a friends place with my dogs for a competition and I cooked her dinner because she worked a double, cleaned the kitchen and made sure to take her dog out and picked up after them too. I also left her a bit of cash and a thank you note. She told me
ESH.
She was inconsiderate. But you were too accommodating to start, and too harsh at the end.
It was harsh, but perhaps she needed to hear it. NTA
NTA. Is she 16??? Who goes to someone else’s home and behaves like this?
You laid out the ground rules and even allowed her to bend a few and she walked all over you. I doubt it’ll do any good for her to have heard a good hard home truth about herself, but at least you gave her the straight dope. Maybe she’ll use it to mature a bit.