I(28F) have a wedding in fall 2026 and for spring 2026 I had planned for a local small bachelorette. 3 days 2 nights in Aspen with hiking, a spa and some other activities. I mainly did it to be accessible for my friends 2 of them are local and they both said they could go. But then one of them said they couldn’t go. This friend said she didn’t let her husband go to his friend’s bachelor trip because she was worried about some funny business because it was a Vegas trip and he was with friends who she said are “trouble”. So they apparently made an agreement she cannot go on bachelorettes either to be fair. I tried to compromise with her until she made it clear her husband wouldn’t let her on any overnight trips without him and I’m not about to have a bachelorette trip with her husband. I asked for feedback on this trip since spring of this year and it’s been an endless back and forth of what her husband will and will not allow and it’s so exhausting I basically told her I wasn’t switching more plans and I want an overnight bachelorette and we can still hang out outside my bachelorette.
Talking to my other 2 bridesmaids they are open to Europe, actually one is in London now as she works there and is just coming back to the US for my wedding. So we actually planned it to be in Greece and it’s a week in Greece. My other friend is very happy as she and her husband wants to visit Europe anyway as they have family so the plan is for her to spend a week with me in Greece and then 2 weeks with her husband visiting family. I think this is the best for everyone as I’m not able to get PTO for the honeymoon until months later so this is my vacation for this year. But my bridesmaid who isn’t able to attend isn’t happy because she feels excluded as I won’t make the bachelorette local and no overnight trips so she can attend. I told her we can hang out and even gave her dates I’m free for a weekend day trip but she is barely talking to me. I feel guilty but I don’t know how I’m supposed to accommodate now that flight are paid for and what she can do is so restrictive. But AITA here?
This is a problem between her and her husband not between her and you.
NTA. She wasn’t going to be able to go anyway, so whether you have it in Aspen or Greece does not matter.
This is an experience that is supposed to be catered to celebrating you and your upcoming nuptials. Changing your mind or the plans after they said they couldn’t go changes nothing, you should be allowed to celebrate without judgement or condemnation. Go have the trip of a lifetime and enjoy your time on this Earth in ways that make you happy.
NTA- she had a chance to plan her own bachelorette weekend. This one is yours and she can’t go anyway because she didn’t trust her husband. That’s not on you to solve the trust issues she has in her own marriage.
Nta – but you might need a different bridesmaid
She couldn’t go anyway, whats the problem? I don’t get it.
She is mad I wouldn’t make the bachelorette driving distance from our city so she can drive home every night so her husband won’t be mad. I’m also not allowed to include hot springs, spas and saunas etc anything that her husband doesn’t allow
Are you genuinely asking if YTA for not compromising your entire trip to accommodate your friend and her weird marriage?
Like this is so obvious. Who cares about the friend, it’s YOUR event…like..what?
Face palming NTA
Well whenever I ask people they say I should be accommodating and how overseas and overnight bachelorettes shouldn’t be a thing and how they went and one and regretted it. So technically it’s my event but everyone has their opinions on it
NTA – expecting someone to have a local one day bachelorette party bc they are insecure with their husband is wild
NTA— this trip doesn’t revolve around her, and she wasn’t able to do the Aspen trip anyway. Sounds like she also has a lot of issues with her husband that she may be projecting on her friends.
NTA
Your friend’s marital problems are not yours, nor are they your concern.
Enjoy your trip to Greece.
NTA – it is your wedding and she is trying to hold you hostage to her agreement with her husband. She is telling you that you aren’t allowed to do what you want with other friends because she couldn’t trust her fiance at his bachelor party, and now feels left out???
She has serious trust and control issues
Her martial insecurity & lack of trust is not your problem. You do not need to plan your party around her husband’s rules. NTA