Let me preface that I am grateful we can take trips together on the holidays at all because I live so far away from them all.
That being said every time a trip is planned it seems I get the pull out couch option or smallest bed/common room accommodations. I know me being single has something to do with it since I suppose I need less space than the couples. But it’s just frustrating that they always assume I’ll take the couch or floor… I pay just as much as everyone else when it’s an air bnb or similar. I am also the oldest sibling if that still means anything to people lmao
So what are you asking? What action have you taken/do you plan to take?
Just saying to them it’s bs that I always get the worst accommodations on trips because I’m the least confrontational person in the family
Info: how did you call the family out? This post seems half-written
I haven’t done it yet
Are you asking if you would be TA if you said something?
Yeah which of us would be the asshole or are the asshole in this, it’s happened multiple times now but I never say anything
You need to clarify what you’re actually complaining about and what you want to change.
If you’re single and everyone else is a couple it makes sense that they’d get double beds and you wouldn’t. You getting the *”smallest bed”* is perfectly reasonable – one person does not need as much space as two.
You say that you pay *”just as much as everyone else”* but is that on a per person or per room basis? Because if you’re paying half what a couple does you wouldn’t expect to get the same for half the money.
It sounds as though the real problem isn’t that you’re getting single accommodation though, it’s that you’re getting substandard accommodation – like pull out couches in common areas. *That* is a reasonable thing to complain about, but what do you want then to do? Carry on the same but with you paying less? Book larger places so everyone gets a room and no-one has to sleep on the couch?
YWBTA if you ‘call them out’ with a semi-coherent rant, but not if you have a reasonable conversation about your feelings and what you might like to do differently in the future.
Next time, simply say “You know, I’m going to get a hotel room. I’m not comfortable on the couch or the floor. I want to be comfortable.” Repeat with every objection they throw at you.
and if they give OP any shit for it, just don’t go.
NAH, yet, bc you haven’t said anything yet and they’re not mindreaders. It’s perfectly fine to let them know that you aren’t comfortable with the status quo and going forward you want equal space/comfort/privacy. Hopefully they will be understanding and happy to adjust.
NTA. Especially if you’re paying your share you should have a proper sleeping area/bedroom.
INFO
I am confused. Have you said something to your family? If so, what was their reaction.
Are you asking if they are AH for planning things that way and you are an AH for being unhappy about it?
If you are the lone single adult, it does make sense for you to have the smallest room. It is not fair for you to pay the same fee as someone who gets the master suite and private bath. It’s definitely not fair for you to pay the same fee and have to sleep on the couch/floor!
You are not an AH for raising the issue.
Let them know that – after years(?) of paying the same as everyone else and always getting the floor/couch/(or at best) the smallest room) you would like to revisit how costs are split and sleeping arrangements determined.
If you don’t ever want to have to sleep on the floor again, then say so. If you are willing to but just don’t like paying so much for such a poor sleeping space, then tell them if they plan for you to sleep on the floor (or you end up sleeping on the floor because of ‘reasons’), you will not pay anything for the accommodations. They can split the cost among themselves.
If you get a couch/pull-out but no room to yourself, then you will only pay 1/2 of what the others are paying to get actual rooms.
You may also want to discuss how the costs have been allocated and how that should change going forward. I’m guessing it hasn’t been by room. It also doesn’t sound like it has been by person. That definitely doesn’t sound fair. Be open to a conversation among everyone, but be clear that you aren’t going to pay the same for lesser accommodations. Maybe consider something like this:
1/2 of the total fee is split by person. (Because kids and partners are enjoying the place just as much as each sibling is.) And the remaining half is split by room, with folks getting the masterbed/bath paying a premium that can make up for a discount to the person getting just a pullout/couch or a subpar room.
If they aren’t willing to consider more equitable options, THEN they would be AHs.
So everyone pays equal and you sleep on the floor? I wouldn’t go. If you put up with this, you’ll never be respected.