Note: my 2nd job I work as a bartender at known nightclub/concert venue and I’m allowed to give out a few free tickets for events. The host of this event has bragged about getting into a few concerts for free.
I (22F) went to a function where I hardly knew anybody but they all seemed to know me and they were just being…. Weird? I was tired, not feeling the most social but a friend invited me & I should know some coworkers there.I was really only there for free weed and to vibe. Thought I’d know more people but there was only 3 familiar faces and ~~ 15 strangers. I was 1/2 girls there.
Sausage fest I know but I didn’t think much of it, I wasn’t introduced to any one upon my arrival but I still smiled and waved at anyone that took notice of me. Made small talk with the people I knew, smoked and 4 of us (2 of my friends) went inside to play video games. It was a really good time until it wasn’t bc everyone else started coming inside and having loud conversations ABOUT ME, without actually talking to me at all.
I was only catching bits & pieces at first & figured I was just being paranoid until they started mentioning specific things like the name of the venue, started joking about the (very) recent shooting, and talking about the very specific uniforms I wear. Then every time it got quiet or the game loaded, almost on cue someone would talk really loud & get “wow you chose a really good time to say that” as response
There are two separate conversations happen-Some guy is telling a story about getting served by me to which they’re all asking questions & the other group is making fun of a guy for apparently staring at me, loudly stating “he’s just like… in awe of her existence”. Some of the comments thrown around were: “Is she as hot and jacked as they say?” “Do you think she likes white boys?” I didn’t respond so someone shouted “wow!!! (GUY) is being SO desperate you’re SO DESPERATE”
Someone else started talking about recording me to post on TikTok
I was sitting adjacent to friend JL while playing who told me to “Match the mood, match the mood.” I didn’t understand what that meant, still don’t. Immediate the chatter changed to “JL micro-cheating on his girlfriend” & that he was throwing himself on me the whole night. JL only told me rudely to look away from him.
During another quiet moment a guy whispers- “yeah I’m talking about you, I know you can hear me. Yeah You”. I didn’t react & they take it as I can’t hear them and move on to trashing how I’m playing while also praising me? Those of us playing were completely stone walled during all of it. No one reacted.
The atmosphere was killing my high & making me uncomfortable
I ended up leaving w/o saying bye when the round was done and texting the host apologies.He confirmed It all happened but stated I was rude bc clearly they just wanted to talk to me & I shouldn’t have left like that
AITA? I felt like a zoo animal, if they wanted to talk they could’ve just idk introduced themselves or said they recognized me? It just felt bizarre
NTA, you shouldn’t be hanging out with these people if they’re just going to make snide and sideways comments like that
ETA judgement
Small town I presume? NTA. People are bored and you are NOT a hobby. Good for you for leaving. Weirdos.
Nta, it sounded like an incredibly awkward evening. You dont owe anyone a goodbye!!
NTA.
If you’re a bartender then it’s not that weird that a bunch of guys might know who you are, and you not know them. But to me this seems a bit more involved, like they all knew you were coming and if they didn’t know you by name, the host told them where you worked.
IMO the host needed a strong hint that his party was an unwelcome atmosphere for you. Leaving without saying goodbye was not only the least drama for you, but also a good way to send the message that it was uncomfortable for you.
NTA.
I’m truly sorry this happened to you.
NTA seems like incredibly strange vibes. This would make a good haunted house, but a terrible party. Also like this is probably why there almost weren’t any girls there
NTA. As I always tell my students, you SHOULD leave any place where people are treating you poorly.
I would have torn them a new asshole before I left- that kind of talk is often a precursor to assault and IS sexual harassment. You were much kinder than I would have been.
NTA. You weren’t rude, you were run out of the place. If that host was a decent person they’d be apologising profusely for the behaviour of their friends and making sure they knew THEY were the rude ones. That sounds like an awful night. Disappearing quietly was the most mature thing you could have done in that situation.
NTA …what the hell
NTA. You don’t owe people anything, especially to be talked about rather than to. You aren’t an exhibit. The apology is owed TO YOU, not from you.
NTA. I leave parties full of my Friends without saying goodbye 😆
NTA!
From the comments on your looks, the unfortunate fact that there was a recent shooting at your place of work and that you are a ‘minority’, (context clue), It seems like it was some kind of weird set-up.
It’s disturbing to read, so I can imagine how you felt in the moment.
I’m sorry you expirenced that!
I’ve always told my kids to follow their instincts. If something feels off, wrong or threatening, LEAVE! Even without a shred of evidence of why you should feel that way. You’d rather have left, be wrong and safe than stayed be right and in danger!
NTA – A little confused as to what’s going on, but regardless, you’re not obligated to stay for any reason.
Just for fun: Slipping out unnoticed without saying anything is called an “Irish goodbye.” I just love that.