Context : I met a girl in mexico. Been dating for almost a year. I am from France but live in Canada. I tried really hard so that she could visit me in Canada, paid 5000$ in lawyers and immigration, built a 162 pages file over months and months of hard work, only for her to be rejected everytime. We’ve been at it for months and months and due to work reasons, I can’t come to mexico for extended period of times. So instead we decided to spend a few months in France at my family’s home, which they happily said yes! Especially because this is the first time I am bringing a girl home
However, my family does not want to do une “attestation d’accueil” because it’s too much work. This is a paper that basically says she will stay at their home so she’s allowed in. I asked, saying “I know it’s a huge service, it could be our Christmas present but we are so out of option.” On my mother’s side they don’t want to do it because they say sending the papers required (it’s salary and proof of ownership) to immigration is a strong breach of their privacy.
My father’s side end up doing it, but then calls me to scold me and tell me that was so entitled and unacceptable. They say “you have no idea how hard it was to get this paper” (it took 2 days) and I answered that im super grateful and while I understand it was difficult, we did a 162 pages file previously so I know how hard it is and in contrast, the attestation is really small (I didn’t say that to their faces tho of course). They say:
“it’s not normal that you asked for us to do that, you’re a man, you don’t ask these things, you should have cancelled your trip and gone back to Mexico, next time don’t bother asking ANYONE.”
I answer that if someone would ask a similar service I would do it in a heartbeat, in fact I’ve done far more for my friends and family members that were in trouble, but say next time I will ask a friend instead and they say: “No, you don’t ask your friends, you don’t ask anyone, when you are older you will understand it’s not the type of service you ask of someone.”
Is I really that entitled? Or is the family being too mean? I’m honestly heartbroken and feel like I’ve lost my love for them. I’m honestly not that mad at my mom’s side despite them saying NO because at least, even if their reasons was super dumb (the government already knows how much you make…), they were respectful about it.
Edit : Added context because a lot of people seem to think I am forcing myself in their home. I wanted to rent an airbnb but they’re the one that invited her, and me, because they want to spend time with my girlfriend. None of this would be needed if I simply rented an Airbnb like I wanted to do in the first place
NTA – Your family is being weird and mean. They could just say no, yet they are acting like you forced it on them.
Something about this doesn’t make sense.
OP, why couldn’t your girlfriend just…. fly to France as a tourist and visit for a shorter time? I have, and have certainly never needed any type of attestation. Just tickets, hotel room booked, et voila. Edit to add: I was there for 3.5 weeks so not a short trip either.
Given that BOTH sides of your family didn’t like this (one side refused, the other scolded you), I suspect there is much more about the situation than you have described? Is it the duration of the stay? (in other words, is she seen as a risk for trying to illegally enter the country)
So I’m actually going to say YTA, because you seem to be mixing up purposes here: is the priority to (a) visit and meet your family (lovely!), or is the purpose (b) to attempt to immigrate to the country, using your family to ‘sponsor’ her application for an extended stay?
Because if it is really purpose (b), you should have had a much longer, more thorough and open discussion with your family and trying to sweep this under the rug as a simple visit with some extra paperwork….. well then I agree with your family and that was rude.
You need the attestation for a tourist, that’s what we’re doing. None of this is immigration im not asking my family any help for immigration procedure, this paper is for tourism that basically says “yes you have a place to stay”
You don’t need it if you are renting a hotel, but you do need it if you are staying at someone’s place, they invited her in the first place
I can see why you wouldn’t want to lie and say she was staying in a hotel if she’s actually staying with your family. But if they had to provide income information, it’s obviously more than you’re saying it is. And how can you spend time in France that you can’t spend in Mexico. Something doesn’t make sense.
No it’s not more than I’m saying. It’s literally all there is https://www.service-public.gouv.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/F2191
I’m not tricking them into any immigration stuff, it’s literally just for this paper.
I’m not saying you’re tricking them. I’m just saying if they had to provide their income information then that was a bigger deal than you’re making it sound.
Having to divulge one’s own income to the government, to be able to invite a guest over, simply does not make sense OP.
In Canada, typically this type of level of information is required for sponsorship for EXTENDED visas (we call them Super Visas). Where the visitor might stay for long periods of time with multiple entries and exits. Then the ‘host’ needs to prove to immigration that they can and will support the visitor during their stay(s) in the country.
For a single, one-shot, short term visit? I am so confused why income verification would be needed.
And would staying in an AirBNB have been an option?
It is the same in germany if i host a tourist. It is to make sure i am able to host financially. The government does not care that my friends have their own money or whatever
I filled those out in the past, too
> Having to divulge one’s own income to the government, to be able to invite a guest over, simply does not make sense OP.
On the one hand you have your opinion.
On the other hand we have France. Which does, in fact, require this.
I think that rude answer came from feeling tricked into doing something they thought would be easier and way less invasive about their personal finances than it actually is, and I believe you should have walked them through how to do it and what was needed when you asked.
You could also have avoided it, by booking hotel rooms that you’d later cancel and getting your gf to fly into Spain first with those bookings, a return ticket and proof of funds, then flight or train to France.
Soft ESH
INFO: If you live in Canada and couldn’t take time off of work to go to Mexico, how can you take time off to go to France?
And yes, YTA. You’re asking your family to legally vouch for someone that they’ve never met. You should be able to understand how that would make someone uncomfortable.
> You’re asking your family to legally vouch for someone that they’ve never met.
No, they’re not. The document in question is not, at all, that.
People don’t get it man, some of these comments are lecturing me on the immigration process when they don’t even speak french haha, as if we haven’t spent so much time researching it.
ESH not for motivations but the reality of the situation. If you’re not able to support your girlfriend by 1) traveling to her home country to see her regularly, 2) realistically and legally being able to have her visit you in the country you live, and thus 3) must depend on your relatives to meet and be able to show proof of financial support at their properties and using their financial resources, in a country much further away from the continent where the two of you reside, you need to think seriously about how this situation is going to continue to work or work in the future. It doesn’t seem sustainable and the realistic options are you get married immediately to facilitate legalization, you change your lifestyle and home drastically to be together where it’s feasible (although it seems that may strain already difficult financial resources), or you determine you’re not willing to make the sacrifices necessary for this relationship.
From experience, I would assess your situation now instead of waiting years and then dragging everyone down with you if you’re not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to prioritize the relationship now.