Before I start: English is not my first language. Sorry for any mistakes.
So my friend of 8 years (we are both f) started to annoy me for the last few moths. We started as friends in college and now we both work (we’re 22).
When we were teens we often have arguments for a lot of things, usually started with me. She used to say I’m overreacting or being childish. The most frequent argument was about how she talks and looks at me. Any time I said smth stupid or do smth she didn’t like she gave me a judgemental look, sometimes ignored me. These things were like telling smth she already knew or asking smth that is simple to understand for her but not for me. Also when I had any kind of problem she didn’t know how to react and didn’t give me proper understanding. I confronted her abt it a few times. Nothing changed. Then one day she said that she didn’t know she was acting really bad and told me she is ready to change for me and I’m her friend.
Then for a few years I thought everything were smooth before she started work. Usually we had a lot to discuss, but these days she’s talking only abt work and her relationship. And usually she doesn’t ask anything about my life. She didn’t even know I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Bc in the past when I told her abt my problems she said I just need to pull myself together like she did. But we are not the same person. We have different problems in our life. These days we have a lot of silly arguments, usually when we argue I feel like I’m a child being scolded. We are texting because we can’t meet but I feel like from her texts she’s being judgemental. Like in our college years. Usually we don’t end our arguments like "Sorry for misunderstanding" or "I was in wrong here", it just settles by itself. I think it’s bad because it feels like we have a never ending argument.
The last arguments were about not sending me AI videos or videos I’m not comfortable with, she said I’m overreacting and they are not bad. We ignored each other for a week, nobody said sorry. But she was in wrong for this one. Then, we met on Halloween. It was the first time of our friendship when I was late. The party we went to wasn’t really good, I said it to her and she was very angry at me, I almost saw her tears. I was with my sisters and I just tried not to mention it, we had a walk and ate together (four of us) and then we just went home. After this I though and I’m the asshole.
These days I try to be more active in our texts but something feels off. Like when I text her, I’m annoyed. When she text me, I’m annoyed. She tells me abt her work or books that she reads, it’s okay, but I can’t stop being annoyed for these simple things. I thought it’s just my depression, but I don’t feel annoyed abt my other friends this much. I feel like I want to tell her abt this but I don’t know what we should do. Sometimes I really think that I’m overreacting.
Hi. First of all this seems to be a very stressful situation for you. I had a friendship like this but that was in elementary school and we were 6-12 years old 😅 I ended up dropping the friendship because we went to different schools. Since you might not be able to put that distance between you, it’s hard to solve this easily.
It seems like you just don’t align anymore. It’s normal to outgrow friendships over time. If she is annoyed at seemingly everything you do, it’s clear you can’t ‚win‘. And vice versa. It seems like you both do and say things that could be asshole-behaviour. It’s a shitty way of handling it but it’s normal sometimes to outgrow friendships.
i think that u guys just don’t work as friends and are trying to force something that isn’t there.People grow and change and it’s normal to leave friendships in the past, whats not normal is being annoyed with simple thing she does, you have gained resentment for her because you are in different places on your life, your opinions and personalities don’t and you don’t work as friends anymore and thats fine.Nobody is the asswhole in this situation you just need to stop trying to force a friendship that is past it’s expiry date and it seems was never really good when it started
But I feel really bad to stop it like this, it it okay even if we have a lot of good memories too and I’m saying bye to all of this forever?
It sounds like this friendship has run its course and it’s time to just drop it.
Usually in these situations I would say N-A-H but she sounds like a bit of an asshole for antagonizing you then telling you you’re overreacting.
For that, you’re NTA.