Hi, I’m V, 22F living w/ my family: 2 parents, 2 sisters, 2 grandparents. Last night, I had just bought Taco Bell for dinner. I got home and ate most of what I had bought, my grandfather came into the kitchen where my mom and I were. I saw him looking through the pantry for something to eat and I knew he liked Taco Bell so I offered him a taco. He took it and thanked me. A small detail, my grandfather often eats out and buys food to bring home for everyone to share. He loves Wendy’s and fast food in general. Anyway, I told him I couldn’t eat anymore since I was full. He then commented that I should stop eating (I think he meant to say buying food) because I was getting quite fat. I couldn’t believe he just said that to me. There is nothing wrong with being overweight, but I just couldn’t believe he felt so comfortable commenting on my body and telling me what to do with it. I try my best to eat healthy and I’m actually not overweight, in fact, I go to the gym often. I didn’t know why he said that, seeing as I have actually been loosing weight and gaining muscle, but it still upset me. I didn’t know what to say. My mom hates when I am visibly upset and defend myself from family members, too so my mind was blank. I I left the room but then came back and said, "You don’t deserve to eat that taco." He snapped back, "Come take it back then!" I ignored him and started walking upstairs. I heard my mom calmly say, "Why would you tell her she’s fat?" Like, really mom? Now you say something? I got to my room and remembered: *Whenever I’m upset I like to go on a short drive*. I grabbed my coat and purse, went downstairs, saw they left and my grandma was in the kitchen, I told her I would be back soon. Once I got in the car I decided to not go on a drive, I was going to the grocery store parking lot around the corner and chill in the car. I watched some TikTok’s and before I knew it, I felt a LOUD knock at my passenger window. It was my mom. She was furious. I rolled down the window and she started screaming, "Are you an Idiot? Are you stupid?" I asked her what was wrong.She asked me why I was in that parking lot for 3 HOURS. I said I didn’t even realize I was there for 3 hours! She was sleeping and my little sister woke her up to ask where I was. She told me to drive home because she was going to be driving right behind me, and that she was going to take my "f\*\*\*ing car" away. (My car was a Christmas gift to me, but my parents have full control over where I can take it, for a gift it sure has a lot of limits) Once home, she asked me for me keys and "what is wrong with you? Why were you there? I told her that I didn’t want to be in the house because I didn’t want my grandfather to say anymore insults to me. (Now that I think about it, I think I like going out because when I’m in the house, I feel like it’s a constant reminder of the bad experience I just had). She asked me if I would take off to the streets every time someone said something to me. AITA?
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They didn’t. You didn’t read.
You’re not only Not in anyway TA but also youre an incredibly emotionally mature person. Knowing yourself well enough to recognise that you were (rightfully) upset by a nasty assed comment, and knowing what you need to calm yourself, you headed off and did that.
Your mother is seriously out of order to not only demand you don’t show you’re upset, but also is so incapable of managing her emotions she blew at you for being extremely emotionally mature.
You should be massively proud of yourself (and might get a bit of validation from reading adult children of emotionally immature parents).
I wish i was you growing up. My grandparents and parents always made comments about my weight. I was a little over but not very. Once my mom stood up for me to get parents and her in laws – 2 sepatate occasions once each. Otherwise i was in my own or obviously fat stupid….ithurts when someone who should live you unconditionally says hurtful things. Maybe mom needs a lesson in sensitivity and speaking up sooner. She was probably worried about you when she found you by yourself in a parking lot. Probably overreacted too. At the same time spacing out or sleeping 3 hrs not good. You have to think hard on this. Did you sleep or space out? This is only important since if you feel asleep fine. If you spaced out something bigger may be brewing psychologically. If this is your reaction to a nasty person or minor trauma how did that happen? I don’t know. Something about 3 hrs going by watching tik tok gets me nervous. (I’m thinking of dissociation to be specific.) Maybe I’m over thinking this. I don’t know. Either way, gramps gotta be told no. I’m sorry this happened to you. Nta
you are TA for not using paragraphs
NTA. At all. But a couple of observations that might make you feel a little better(?). These are not excuses for poor behavior, to be clear. I just find that sometimes when I understand the other person’s experience, it helps my rage subside.
Is your grandfather showing signs of dementia at all? Often, with that disease, folks lose their filter and all sense of propriety. My mom had it and she was sometimes brutal to me.
Also, your mom’s reaction was probably, in part, fear for where you had gone and whether you were okay. Hopefully she will chill out by tomorrow. And she should 1000% be defending you, but parents are oddly humans too and she has her own baggage with your grandad that probably gets in the way of her being who you deserve her to be. You seem incredibly emotionally mature and kind. I would find a way to explain how you felt. As a kid, my mom never defended me from an abusive brother and I will be angry about it forever.
You handled everything just fine. Again, NTA. Stay strong, and stay true to yourself.
nta at all completely mature and reasonable response
youre 22 and your mom can take your car away?
Right? I’d leave longer than a few hours. Move out and be an adult. If you need to find a few roommates or whatever, figure it out.
NTA. Mom absolutely could’ve called or texted to ask where you were, and at the end of the day you’re an adult so honestly that could’ve been an in the morning conversation. Depending on your sibling’s age you could also try to be in contact with them so they don’t have to go to your mom when you’re out of the house in the future. Also, if you have a job I’d look into saving for your own car or to start paying for your own registration and insurance so the car is in your name.
You’re 22, an adult, with feelings. Kindly remind your Mom.
If they can’t respect or be mindful of that to the point you have to frequently leave the house, it’s time for you to leave the nest and find a new living situation.
Buy your own car. Give the keys back to the one you have, no excuses. Tell your family a gift to an adult with limitations you can be grounded from isn’t yours, isn’t a gift and isn’t healthy.
Let them know if you cannot be treated like an adult, and allowed to self regulate you can’t stay there.
They’ll either respect you, and stop the nonsense with the car and their insults or call your bluff because they don’t think you’re capable of adulting. If you don’t follow through, you prove them right.
NTA.
You’re NTA but it certainty sounds like you’re surrounded by a few.
– Grandpa shouldn’t have insulted you
– Mom should have shut that shit down immediately
– leaving the scene to cool off so you don’t escalate the situation is a good idea
– Mom’s reaction to you being away for 3 hours was unhinged. If she was so concerned, why didn’t she just call or text you? FFS, you obviously had your phone.
NTA. I think a big life skill a lot of people lack is knowing when they should give themselves space to cool off or process things, instead of lashing out. You taking a drive for some me-time was smart and mature.
Youre 22 so you have every right to leave and come back as you see fit, especially given what just happened. Your mom should have understood you deserved space and not accosted you like that. Also threatening and cursing to take away your car seems like a toxic, controlling reply.
Intergenerational living can be awesome and i dont know your situation, but perhaps you could look into a starter apartment or splitting space with a friend if this is becomes a stressful pattern