Am I The Asshole
Brother and his wife and kids are staying with my husband and I for the holiday. We carry the expectation that they watch their children and respect our house (for reference my husband and I do not have any children, my nephew has been extremely extra this trip and the last few visits the children have broken things, we shrugged it off but asked that it didnt happen this trip.) Brothers wife threw a temper tantrum because I brought her attention to their 2 year old spitting apple juice on our couch while she was stuck in her phone ignoring the kids entirely and i expectedthat they clean up the mess. She then requested that my brother have a conversation outside and she tells him shes uncomfortable and wants to leave tomorrow..they were supposed to stay until Sunday..following their conversation my brother and I talked about it and I set the expectations that they are welcome here but we have a boundary that their children are watched and that they respect our home while they are here since anything that causes damage or cleaning will be done by us not them. He understood and I asked him to have her come talk with him, my husband and I and she abjectly refused. All I wanted to do was clear it up and make her understand that we would expect the same boundaries be followed in their home…while we waited outside for her to not come out she talked shit about us in our home to her 12 year old daughter while my best friend sat downstairs and listened to her do so..I am trying to be respectful out of love for my brother but I am in my opinion understandably angry…so tell me..Am I the Asshole?
I’d ask them to leave today.
NTA. She’s a bad guest even without talking shit about you. (Does it make any difference whether she talks shit about you in your home or not? She didn’t do it for you to hear, your friend listening in was probably not what she expected.)
If your brother does’t want to leave, maybe you can agree that he pays for cleaning services. Or does it himself.
I am not a huge fan of people being comfortable talking shit about me in my own home its probably the only reason I mentioned it haha.
NTA…you told them the rules. They can take it or leave it. She’s acting like she’s another child.
NTA, your SIL is a rude guest.
Accidents happen, there is no excuse for her not watching her toddler in the first place and cleaning up after a mess.
Shit talking you to her older child is also bad parenting.
What is absurd is that any parent (or pet owner, for that matter!) would not think it was their responsibility to do this 100% and always. How immature is this SIL of yours?
Definitely NTA.
I was kinda thinking the same honestly.
NTA
NTA. This lady has audacity. To not take responsibility for her kids or their mess, is one thing. To be rude and to disrespect your host in their home to their own family. Next level.
They should go to a hotel immediately where room service is included and she can ignore her kids there.
I think you are NTA because you both don’t have children nor do you raise their children so you don’t necessarily know exactly how a child is going to act. Since your brother and his wife raise their children it should be upon them to make sure that they are behaved in your home. The way your brothers wife handled the situation is disrespectful towards both you and your house, while you cannot watch a child every second and things are bound to happen, it should be standard that the situation gets taken care of. It is also very rude of your brother’s wife to shit talk you in your house to her children. I’d ask his wife to leave and your brother can stay however long he wants.
So next year tell them to go stay somewhere else. Problem solved.
NTA your rules were clear and fair. They are setting an awful example for their children.
NTA. This is a perfectly reasonable expectation that honestly shouldn’t even have to be said. Like she actually thinks she’s entitled to have her kids trash your house and not clean it up?