Okay so I 16f my dad 40m and I don’t really have a good relationship, he told me in the beginning of November that I’d be spending thanksgiving with him. I wasn’t happy about it but I was going to go, on Tuesday I had a doctors appointment and he took me. You can look at my other post for context.
Now he called me on Wednesday saying my mom was going to drop me off at his house the day of thanksgiving and I told him that I didn’t want to go anymore and he just said okay. He called me this morning and he asked "are you coming?" I told him I’m not going, we went back and forth for a bit and finally I told him I’m not going.
I know I was wrong for not telling him a little bit earlier but the doctors appointment was my final straw. Now my mom keeps telling me to go to his house but I’ve never gone to his place for thanksgiving only my aunts. She keeps describing him as some devil when he gets mad so I’m really conflicted.
So, AITA for not going to his thanksgiving?
INFO: Have you explained to him why you don’t want to go for Thanksgiving?
No I haven’t, he didn’t ask and I just kept telling him I didn’t want to go because I completely forgot that and I was just focusing on not going. But even if I do he’ll just flip it on me saying that I just have to listen to him because I always think I’m right.
I don’t understand “the final straw”. What did he do other than communicate?
It sounds like you don’t want to go because you always go to your aunts…not because he actually did anything.
I do want to go to my aunts, but that’s not the main thing I’m not sure if I’m allowed to discuss it at AITA but to sum it up he took me to the doctors he was rude in front of them saying things that’s out of pocket. Before the appointment I was just going to suck it up and go to his place but I don’t want an argument to start if I do go since it’s been rocky.
I went and read your other post about the doctor appointment. I get a better picture now. His behavior there sounds very out of line.
On one hand, going to your father’s for a couple hours could turn out well depending who is there (they might call him out on stupid stuff he says) or it could go sideways.
Maybe come prepared with a non-emotional response if he says something unkind: “I don’t appreciate you speaking to me like that”. And do your best to enjoy the other people there. If it goes sideways ask your mom to pick you up.
It’s sounds like there is a lot going on and I wish you the best. You can only control your responses to people, you can’t control them.
Info: have you ever seen your dad get mad?
You said “she keeps describing him as the devil when he gets mad”
Yeah when he gets mad he starts slamming doors, he gets aggressive, and really petty. Like he does really petty things to hurt the person he’s mad at.
Love how he TOLD you were coming to his place. As a teen in shared custody I was never asked where I wanted to go for the holidays, decisions were just made for me. Now I NEVER show up for any holiday.
NTA, you’re old enough to make your own decision and you don’t have a good relationship with him. They’ll call you difficult or whatever, but that’s what parents always say when children develop autonomy and thoughts of their own when they would rather have obedient, blank kids who just smile and nod.