30- F- I have had an extremely tough year with my health, possible encephalitis, Ramsay hunt syndrome and then diagnosed with hemiplegic migraines. It has meant that my memory is far from what it used to be and I struggle with remembering peoples names and what I done 5 minutes ago. I completely forgot the day of the week, I just look at the date when I get to my desk. I live at home but I just say morning and go to work, never really speaking to anyone as my new medication makes it hard for me to wake up and I struggle in the morning. I got a phone call on the way to work to say thanks for saying happy anniversary. I said sorry and said happy anniversary to them both. My parents have only been married 4 years so it is not a big anniversary (mum & step dad- been in my life since I was 7). Which I of course will celebrate with them when it comes. I told my mum that it is not a normal thing to do for parents anniversaries sending a card as none of my friends do. She felt hurt I googled that as I was thinking am I meant to send a card (probably bad move). I had already planned to pay for their meal tonight. I have since ordered flowers to be delivered today and got a card for tomorrow, saying I lost it in the work post room. I am feeling awful she feels hurt but it is just a card all the problems are from. Am I in the wrong?
NTA – you shouldn’t be concerned with their anniversary in the slightest, unless it’s a big number (25, 50 years).
NTA. An anniversary is a big deal for the couple involved, not for the rest of their family.
Ummmm what? …. I never heard of having to celebrate SOMEONE ELSE’S anniversary. Sure a phone call maybe. Or perhaps call me poor, but I have never acknowledged or celebrated my parents anniversary in the 30+ years they were married🤷🏽♀️.
They sound like snobs…..
NTA. I’m a firm believer that Anniversaries are the business of the couple only and no one should feel obligated to remember their special day.
NTA, why would anyone apart from your mum and stepdad celebrate their anniversary lol. It has virtually no significance to you. Nobody has ever wished me happy anniversary with my partner, we just celebrate between ourselves.
NTA it’s their anniversary, not yours
NTA, the only person who owes her a happy anniversary greeting is her husband.
Our kids (25 and 21) have never celebrated or been expected to celebrate our anniversaries and we’ve been married 28 yrs
NTA. You’re right, you don’t have to get them a card, they’re being weird. Their anniversary, their responsibility to celebrate, not yours!
NTA in my opinion…
Some families do make a thing out of every anniversary and it’s something the whole family celebrates, but from what I’ve read it doesn’t seem like your family is like that…
If it was a long standing tradition that you had forgotten then I’d understand why your mums upset but as it stands I don’t think it’s fair for her to make a deal out of it now.
Maybe sit down with your parents and lay out a plan moving forward, perhaps you could celebrate with them on the big ones, 5, 10, 20 years etc and let them celebrate together on the smaller ones.
I’m sure with your memory problems you’ll be able to remember the bigger milestones easier as you’ll have more time for the memory to set in your brain and hopefully your mum will understand that.
Best of luck
Ive been married 30 years never have my kids given me anything or a card for our anniversary and I have never expected them to either
NTA it’s your parents anniversary, not yours. It is between them. I would never expect my child to celebrate our wedding anniversary and I would even be confused about gifts.
Edit: are you often made to feel responsible for your mom’s feelings and emotional regulation?
Didn’t realise you were married to them too? Did they get anything for all of yours anniversary? Since they want you to be included, they surely cant expect you to put in effort and not them, right.
Nta, they clearly eat rocks if they dont know how an anniversary works.
NTA. My MIL usually sends me a happy anniversary message which is nice, but not expected. Nobody else remembers it, including my kids. Which is expected.
Your mom sounds pretty self absorbed to expect you to focus on her anniversary on top of your health issues. I do hope you get well soon.