I (22F) recently got job for my friend Amy (22F)in the restaurant where I work at. The pay is good and triple the amount she used to earn at the restaurant she last worked at. I recommended her for the job I work once there was an opening because I have also been in a similar situation to her and wanted to help.
She’s a beautiful girl, and this is a place where a lot of men work. It was going well, she had problems when I would tell her to do something even though I was her superior there, but I stayed calm and didn’t think it was worth any drama.
The problem started when Pete(32M), our best worker and shift manager, started giving her my shifts because she wanted them, and scheduled me at different times that didn’t work for me. For example when I had an exam or other priorities. This didn’t sit right with me and I would tell him you can’t play with people’s time based on how much you like them. However he would still keep on doing it.
I would later catch them hugging tightly by the waist, kissing each others heads, wiping each others mouth and staying alone after closing every time. Other coworkers confirmed this as well. Maybe it would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that Pete is married and has three kids one of which is a newborn.
This all continued escalating untill one day Pete didn’t show up for work. And then ten days more. We were told he was sick and doesn’t know when he’s coming back. Also not to text him.
After 10 days our manager scheduled a mandatory briefing and told us Pete was never actually sick, but his wife left him and took the kids. He probably wont be coming back for months or maybe ever, and we would be understaffed during that time. We all looked at each other except at Amy. No one could look at her. Some coworkers also asked why won’t he be coming back here though, he still has to work somewhere, unless this place has something to do with his divorce.
Coworkers also commented on how the two of them would ignore everyone else the entire day whenever they worked together and that it was weird and awkward. This all pointed to one thing.
After I didn’t text her since I didn’t want to fake support I didn’t want to give. If we weren’t working together still I would tell her directly what she did was wrong, but it didnt seem beneficial. I blame Pete the most, but for every relationship to happen you need two people at least. But the reason this all irks me is the three kids having their life completely shifted on someone’s whim.
I noticed some of my and Amy’s mutual friends cut me off and stopped responding so I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake in not taking any part in what was happening and letting other people think what they want instead of defending her by default?
NTA I don’t think anyone expects a friend to defend infidelity. You could say something like ‘sometimes even good people make mistakes’ or ‘it’s not our place to judge’ That shows you know it was wrong but it’s still your friend. Or honestly drop the friend because that was messed up they kept taking your shifts
NTA. You have no obligation to feign support for this person.
NTA, I wouldn’t be supporting homewrecker either. Obviously he’s just as to blame, if not more so with the managerial power dynamic and family responsibilities, but a girl who goes after the husband of a postpartum mother isn’t someone I’d want on my team.
NTA
You shouldn’t support a homewrecker. Even if Amy didn’t know Pete was married and was lied to, how are you even going to defend her that she’s not the person Pete cheated on his wife with like everybody’s already thinking?
She knew since his wife came in regularly as well as his kids. If she didn’t know I wouldn’t blame her whatsoever. However I feel like she used her relationship with him against me and other coworkers since he is our superior, which is why I’m hesitant to hear her out now.
Yeah…no, there’s no defending that. Seducing a married man & disrespect another woman’s marriage and ruin it all for personal benefit. Immoral and selfish. Hope she got a future husband like Pete.
NTA.
Your friend (hopefully ex-friend) is a homewrecker. And she did it in full awareness of the repercussions it would have on his personal life, both their professional lives, and her social life. She didn’t even try to conceal their infidelity at the job. You reap what you sow.
Your behavior seems the natural reaction to someone you no longer trust nor want to associate with. The mutual friends who cut you off were probably fed a false narrative by her to ease her ego and guilt. Those friends might eventually discover the truth about her or you explain your side of the experience or they continue to cut you off – to which I ask, should you question if they were worth maintaining as friends if their morality aligns with her?
You stuck your neck out for her to get this job. And her subsequent gross behavior unfortunately can reflect back on you for recommending her. She also manipulated power in the professional circumstances at your job to solely benefit her tramp ways, which is incredibly inconvenient to your academic pursuits. She presents as a gross person to do this to a friend who benefitted her life. It’s not your prerogative to defend someone who actively inconvenienced you at the job you got her, simply because she is a friend.
So no, I think you acted like a sane human being. You’re both 22 – from personal experience, she’ll probably end up one of those friends you fall out with and only bring her up at bars and dinner parties for conversation horror story fun. You really don’t keep ALL your friends from your 20s and for good reason.
Good luck!
Are you saying you’ve lost friends because you somehow somewhere didn’t defend someone who wrecked a family? If so, they aren’t much better than her.
NTA
Her and I had some ups and downs before like her texting my exes and hiding it from me and when I find out and confront her directly she would call me dramatic and someone who would risk a friendship for a guy. They would find out about this from her etc. So there’s some tension from before which might have influenced them now.
Ah.
So yeah, she isn’t worth your time. She hasn’t been a good friend for the duration of the friendship. She poisoned the others to you.
Maybe some of them are worth talking to in order to see if they are real friends. But you are much better off without the cheater in your life outside of work.
NTA forget them and her, but learn the lesson… No good deed goes unpunished, don’t mix work and friends and anytime a coworker is being given preferential treatment due to a relationship inappropriate or not you go directly to your manager or HR.
NTA. You really aren’t involved in any of this. Amy and Pete had an affair and consequences ensued. The rest is noise.
NTA although I’m not sure how you can be an asshole in a situation you’re not a party to. This has nothing to do with you except for the fact that you tried to do your friend a favor and she blew it up in everyone’s face, including yours. Getting a job is in no way a precursor to being a homewrecker. You are not responsible for the things they did together, even though it may feel like you brought them together.
Like you said, it takes two to tango and either of them could have stopped at any time. Actions have consequences. Fuck around and find out.
You got her a better job and she rewarded you by stealing money out of your pocket. Don’t worry about her