I’m flying into town for thanksgiving and staying with family. My partner has this vape they’ve had for a few weeks, and since I don’t have anything of my own to use, we’ve been sharing it.
Last night my partner me asked me to ease up on the vape since I’ve been using it pretty frequently. This morning my partner said that the pod was now nearly empty (the day before, it was at about half way). They were annoyed/ disappointed bc they were rationing it out for all of thanksgiving weekend and felt like I didn’t leave any for them/mention it. They said I didn’t listen/was respectful when they asked me to take it easy either. I told them that I would get another one and it’s not a big deal worth arguing about, especially when I’ve shared my things.
They replied with “when I use your things, I’m courteous not to use it all up, and I let you know when things are low and limit myself before it’s gone. I don’t have to, and you don’t have to ask me to, but it’s my character to be mindful, and if you specifically asked me to not use more I would’ve also listened. This is also not about when I’ve done it, it’s about what we’re discussing now”. I told them again I was already planning on buying a new one to replace it.
We ended up in a circle where my parter claims it’s not about the vape, but rather them feeling like I decide when to listen or not, and about my responses being rude/invalidating. I said the vape was the core of what started everything and it’s strange to nickel and dime each other, bc as partners we should share freely. I told them I regret even using the vape, will buy them a new pod, and will never plan on using it again.
They got angrier because they feel like I can’t see the bigger issue besides just the pen. I said they’re blowing it out of proportion and it was a nonissue to be upset about, and any normal person would be happy about a replacement.
AITA for using the pen?
YTA and wow, your partner is really really good at communicating. I’m honestly confused how you could have heard all those things well enough to repeat them and still not understand unless you are pretending to be the other party here.
That is literally the only way this makes sense to me. If not, then dang, just listen to them, care about how they feel, apologize, replace the vape, and more importantly be more considerate and conscientious in the future with shared consumables.
Buy a new cartridge today! You used the majority of a vape that wasn’t yours. Leave vapes you don’t own alone! Yup, asshole.
YTA
I don’t get it? Why not just get your own instead of replacing theirs?
I think you and your partner need to really start to listen to each other, understand whats really being said, and respect each other, and stop acting like you both have the authority on whats ‘right’.
You come into a relationship with preset ideas on values, what denotes respect (or disrespect), what’s ‘nothing’ and whats ‘something’.
Neither of you are right or wrong, but you both feel wronged and both feel your right.
That way lies monsters.
Both back up. Respect each other. Find out how you can be kind. And listen.
YTA. Be more respectful of other people’s stuff, or just buy your own vape.
ESH. Stop vaping. It is seriously harmful to your health.
Can you show me the death rates associated with vaping regulated products? is vaping more or less dangerous than a normal every day activity like driving? To be safer, should i give up vaping or driving?
ESH
You knew it was running low after they said something and you continued to use it without regard for what they want or feel. You’re definitely the A. You’d be pissed if they did that to you but you’re bothered by them being upset because it’s the other way around. Maybe you should buy your own if you can’t respect what belongs to other people.
ESH stop vaping, it’s unhealthy, expensive and gross. Problem solved
YTA. Clearly, your partner is telling you this is habitual behavior on your part. He has stated that you ignore his concerns and do whatever you want, regardless of what concerns and feelings he has mentioned. He is being nice enough to tell you politely.
However, I will say it rather plainly. You are selfish, do not care about others, particularly him, and are focused only on what YOU want at the moment.
I believe you should take a scrub brush to your psychological/emotional core, scour your character clean down to humility, which might help you become a more thoughtful, caring person.
There is no way op is 27. I would have guessed 16 at the oldest.
ESH