ays.
Years ago my sister and I both had new houses and young children and wanted to host the family on holidays. For awhile we alternated until one Easter when it was my turn she decided she she was going to have an Easter celebration at her house because her kids were young and she wanted the egg hunt at her home, but had no yard besides the parking area. I wanted the egg hunt at my house because I had a yard. she declared if I tried to have an Easter dinner she was going to have one also. The family would have to choose which to attend. I capitulated and have refused to host since. AiTA?
It’s been 32 years.
INFO: What do you want? Would you like to host your family and cook for them?
If so, bury the hatchet and do what you want to do. It’s been 32 years.
No I don’t particularly want to host but she doesn’t either.
Are you being asked to host and she’s saying she doesn’t want to anymore?
If so, three options. You host.
Or it passes to the next generation to host if you’re both getting on the older side.
Or you both start having smaller holidays separately. I add this one in because sometimes people think they have to get together with family even if they don’t like them. And holidays pile on the stress and emotion. Doesn’t mean you can’t see each other over the holidays.
So it goes back to what do you want? What would make you and your family happy? Can you take the tradition and the grudge and change the dynamic into something that makes you happy.
NTA. But I say that because I’m the same way. Screw that.
NTA but I fail to see how you’re ‘showing’ anyone by not hosting? Seems like you stopped doing something you enjoyed to ‘punish’ her and everyone else but kind of shot yourself in the foot?
You certainly know how to hold a grudge!
“Do you want to all come to mine for the holidays?”
“Nah. We’ll go to the place we’ve always gone for the past 32 years” 😑
YTA
NTA, it was not even your choice.
NTA – she agreed to the rotation and didn’t want to comply to it? Idk, that’s annoying. Since you said in the comments that neither of you want to host, you could offer to help with host duties or offer to host yourself to help? Make it easier for everyone and let bygones be bygones.
NAH, sounds like it worked for 32 years and no-one complained. If neither of you want to host but you want to see each other over the holiday, it’s time to inform the (now adult) children of their filial duties to keep you all fed and entertained for the holiday.
Was so ready to say NTA until I got to the 32 years part. There’s petty and then there’s PETTY. Be honest: you are just using this as an excuse not to do the work of hosting. That might fly for a few years— hell, I might even give you a decade. But you’ve been playing this card for about as long as I’ve been alive and I’m old enough to have achy knees. YTA.
ETA: you may be the AH but my god are you doing it in style. I might think you’re in the wrong but I still want to be your friend lol.
NTA
Is there a particular reason you can’t just host your own families? Once you have a family of your own I always assumed it was time for your own celebrations and traditions. It sounds like your family now has family. Shrink the celebrations and don’t pressure one branch of the family to host everyone.