I’m having trouble typing this, so I apologize if the grammar is bad. I still haven’t gotten past this emotionally, and I’m not sure I will.
Just over two years ago, on May 18th of 2023, my 16 year old Blue Heeler named Sophie had a massive seizure right before would have normally left for work. I had to get someone to rush me to an emergency vet, and he was able to stabilize her, but I was informed that the cost of saving her would have been at least 2,500$. The vet was able to get me enough time for my family to come and say their goodbyes, but even that was over 700$.
Before you try to judge and crucify me, I made less that 18,000$ a year at the time, and was just barely able to make ends meet. For context, I was living in the Seattle area at the time, so you can look up just how bad off I was.
I didn’t try asking them for money at the time, they weren’t much better off than I was. But I still didn’t have the courage until today to tell the the truth. That I had to let her go because I didn’t have the money to save her.
What made everything worse was that my younger brother had grown up with that dog his whole life, and he took it extremely hard. The whole family did, but he took it the worst. He wasn’t able to go into work for three days.
I still live with my family, and there have been several times that I considered telling them, but I was too much of a damn coward until today. When I finally got the courage together to tell him the truth, my father said he understood, but my brother just went into his room and locked the door. Didn’t say a word.
AITA for not telling them why I couldn’t save the dog until today? Or am I just a damn coward?
Edit 1 for clarification: Sophie had experienced a few minor issues before this, but the day it happened she collapsed in the yard and didn’t get back up. I had to carry her into the vet.
Edit 2: I didn’t lie about anything to them, I just didn’t have the (strength? courage?) to tell them why I chose to let her go. How the hell do you tell someone that the animal they love is dying and you can’t save them because you’re broke?
NAH. The dog was 16, she didn’t have much time left in all honesty. You did what you thought was right and that is end her suffering.
Your brother is just upset , he is still grieving his pet. It depends how he acts moving forward that makes him TAH or not.
Was honestly probably easier to keep the information to yourself. However telling them was a brave thing to do and you aren’t in the wrong for it.
NAH your dog was already very old, it was likely the most humane you could have done. You don’t say anyone is angry or blamed you, your brother is probably just processing the information.
I say this with kindness, she was 16 years old. Paying the £2.5k would have bought her a little time, but there would have been another medical emergency because she was 16 years old. It was time. It’s not your fault.
That’s what I was told when I went through the same thing with my senior cat. The vet told me they could have prolonged his life at a cost but it was clear the seizure damaged his brain. Letting my Riley go was a kindness over prolonging his suffering. OP had to make a painful choice but did what was in the best interest of their dog despite how they felt.
NTA, and your brother is too old to be throwing a passive aggressive tantrum over this.
Unless Sophie ate something poisonous that caused the seizure and required an expensive detox, I’m struggling to think of what could have caused such a massive seizure that wasn’t a serious, chronic underlying cause. 16 is like 110 in dog years- putting her through intensive treatment for a condition just to maybe buy her a couple of months- would be cruel. Letting her go peacefully surrounded by family, rather than months of being poked and prodded, was the kindest and most sensible thing.
Please forgive yourself. It was Sophie’s time, and you did the best you could have done. I bet most owners would have probably made a similar decision regardless of money.
NAH – they’re justifiably upset and you did what you had to do. I don’t think you’re an AH for not having the courage to tell them. I do think that you made a mistake in not asking for financial help to save the dog though, since everyone was attached to Sophie. Seizures are often not one time things. I can’t think of a way she would have been cured for $2500.
Sincerely, I give you my greatest condolences for the loss of your sweet dog. Losing a pet is very hard, and making the decision to put them out of their misery is ever harder. I hope you can forgive yourself.
NAH. Having to say goodbye to a beloved pet is extremely hard under any circumstances. Everyone wishes that their pet could live forever, and if needed we have unlimited funds to throw at any care we can find.
In reality they don’t live forever, and life happens and we don’t always have the funds.
Sophie no doubt had a lovely 16 years with your family, and was well loved and well cared for. Please let go of the guilt you hold and know you did your very best at the time. Sophie knows that too.
NTA
The dog was 16. Sudden onset seizure activity at that age are often due to brain pathology. I doubt you would have bought the dog much time even if you had 20K to spend, not just 2.5k.
Vet here. Completely second this. Any dog older than 1-3 years old with sudden onset seizures and no prior history immediately gets labeled with cancer until I can prove otherwise which needs bloodwork and imaging (xrays, CT, MRI). Advanced imaging is not widely available and is costly. Even if I can confirm cancer for my pet parents, they still need to make a decision with that answer and if stabilizing and waiting at home for other signs of deterioration is not an option, euthanasia is the last kind thing we can do for animals
NTA. Your dog was 16 and take it from someone who dealt with a husky with epilepsy for over a year… it’s hard. It’s just scary and it’s expensive and it’s a lot. He was 6 when it started so different circumstances but seriously no. At 16 with a massive seizure I would have done the same.
Even if you had the money, it’s a lot for Sophie to go through especially considering what recovery she’ll have to do. There’s no way to know if she’d get her full quality of life back. Letting her go might have been the best choice given her age.
I understand the reluctance to ask for help, but it seems like other family members were emotionally attached and possibly should have known what options there were.
NTA. Maybe you could have made different choices, but she was still *your* dog and you were in an extremely emotional situation.
NAH. I think people are assuming your brother’s chucking a fit when from your description, he could literally just be overcome with sadness. It’s a very upsetting situation. From his pov, he just found he “could’ve saved his childhood dog” and perhaps had more years with it. I do think people are being a bit harsh on him when he hasn’t actually been particularly aggressive.
However, the dog was 16 and realistically did not have long left anyway. A seizure at this age is usually a sign of a major underlying issue, and usually causes brain damage. Even if you had saved the poor thing, it is very likely it wouldve had a significantly reduced quality of life. Part of having a pet is knowing when it’s time to let go, and I think you made the right call.
NTA. First stop blaming yourself for the dog’s passing. You gave Sophie plenty of love through the years. Second, 16 years is about the end of a Blue Heeler’s lifespan, not sure what the animal clinic was trying to sell you there. No amount of money or treatment will prolong any life forever.
Your brother may take longer to come round because of the memory of loss being brought up all over again. You might ask yourself if divulging this info after all this time was of any purpose other than you still blaming yourself. Still that doesn’t make you an AH in my book. [Edited to correct spelling]
NTA the dog was 16. That’s a pretty decent lifespan.