I am in my second trimester and pregnant with my rainbow baby. I started planning my baby shower by putting together a list of everything I wanted, all my ideas, theme, invite templates purchased you name it. I started running the idea by my friends and family. I told my sister and she shot down my idea, saying since it’s a girl I should be planning something more girly and elaborate. She also became frustrated that she was not the first to know about my ideas and wants and complained that I always go to my friends and then go to her and my mom when my friends fall through. She said she didn’t want to come in on someone else’s plans and help. She told me I hurt her feelings and tbh I didn’t get it and still don’t. Well today she told me that she and her best friend were planning me a second shower, that all I needed to do was show up, but they would cover all the expenses. My problem is that she picked a theme I don’t agree with because it’s the one Disney movie I’ve never seen and least interesting princess of them all, she also planned the shower very close to my due date, given my past and current health I was not planning to go past 38weeks, she’s not once asked how I’ve been doing this pregnancy. I also mainly hate the separation that’s taken place, she keeps singling out the baby shower I want as something me and my friends planned but all I’ve done is lay out everything I want and then booked the meeting space for it. It’s not a us vs them thing but it sure seems to feel like it when she makes comments like “you and your friends, and what your friends are planning, I don’t want to get in the way of what your friends planned” and I’m continuously lost because my friends didn’t plan anything I just picked out what I wanted. I don’t understand why she couldn’t be supportive and collaborated with what I wanted to make it this extra thing she thinks it should be. She says I’m inconsiderate of her feelings and she’s tired of it. Am I wrong, am I missing something here.
NTA
Sounds like your sister wants everything to be about her. Personally I think baby showers are weird, but it’s a party for you so yes, if you have opinions about it, they should be respected. If you are anxious about the date tell her you won’t attend unless they change it to something sooner.
NTA It’s your baby, and your baby shower, it should be your theme as well. While it’s wonderful your sister’s footing the bill for pretty much everything, and is willing to plan it, she is still TAH for not taking anything you want into consideration. And it’s weirder still that she wants to throw a second baby shower, when you’re already having one, and you didn’t even ask for it? I mean pros you get extra gifts but cons it’s not really your baby shower if she picked everything that she wanted.
NTA. She sounds like a narcissist. This is a shower for her not for you. I was like you. I had been trying to conceive for years and I had plans for everything. My best friend agreed to throw my shower the way that I wanted and it was wonderful.
You can do one of two things.Reach back out to your sister and tell her you don’t need another shower. At this stage of pregnancy it’s just unnecessary added stress. Tell her it would make you happiest if she would come to the shower that is already planned.
Or enjoy the shower that you actually planned and let her do whatever she wants for the second one to be nice.
She seems easily offended though so I’m not sure it’s on your best interest to entertain her attitude on this subject.
NTA. How is your baby shower about your sister? Severe Main Character Syndrome.
I’d tell her that since the shower she planned is clearly catered to HER likes and wants, she can be there on her own, you won’t be coming to her ideal party. Enjoy your actual shower that you planned and want.