To easily summarize my friend (18M) (also ex) who we’ll call Ray. tends to get very pissed off and more but I cannot say per the rules it’s all through text though, when I decide to hang out with my other friend (19M) Who we’ll call Tom (interested in) and his friends, mostly only when it’s for more then one day I honestly for awhile was scared to even hang out with tom because Ray would get really pissed off about it. He has calmed down as long as I hang out with him, for a little more context I really enjoy my alone time so l’ll often just not hang out with anyone and do my own thing
Which for the most part Ray understands and it’s not a huge deal yes he does ask to hang out every day.. which deeply annoys me considering I spent half my life with him 24/7. It feels like I never get a break from him like I’m unable to do anything without getting a text from him asking to hang out, I know I should be over it considering he is my friend and when we broke up (around 2 or 3 years ago) I did get a long long break from him of which he always hung out with other people, sorry starting to ramble lol.
My point is I’ve vocalize not wanting to hang with Ray as much and spend more time with Tom and his friends it’s just refreshing hanging out with someone else for once, Also just to mention it’s not just tom he gets mad at me for hanging out with it’s even our mutual friend, he dropped it for awhile and didn’t complain but once again for months he gets mad when I hang out with our mutual friend it’s all just annoying. Sorry if I repeat myself a lot no good at voicing my feelings.
I do my very best to be sympathetic towards Ray because I know things are rough for him but jeez he’s almost more controlling now than in our relationship, I believe that’s all I need to say also sorry if grammar is.. something it really isn’t my strong suit
Why are you even still in contact with Ray? It’s clear you don’t like spending time with him, he’s an ex, you describe him as controlling. What value does he add to your life? You do know that you could choose to spend zero time with him, right?
NTA and it doesn’t sound like you even should have Ray in your life. What value does he bring? At some point, you need to learn how to set boundaries, and now is a good time to learn! It’s a very hard process (trust me, I know) but you will be able to protect your peace and be a happier person once you can set boundaries and stick to them. I would tell Ray that you want to hang out maybe half the time you are now (or whatever amount you think is right), and that if he isn’t okay with it, then you don’t want him in your life at all for the foreseeable future.
You’ve got this. Good luck!
I don’t think you are in the wrong. I do think that Rays gotta GO. It’s not your responsibility to be the backbone of another person. You’ve gotta take care of you and by the sounds of it, Ray is not healthy to be around. I don’t think it’s common for people to be friends with their ex. 9 times out of 10, that never works out or in your case it becomes toxic like this. Real “friends” aren’t going to try to control who you are friends with.
Yea unfortunately I know it just all really sucks everything was fine after we made up I got my own time was able to get over him thought he got over me, but apparently not. I find it so strange how it’s taking him so long to get over me, I really don’t want to cut him out of my life he’s really the only person who kept me together for so long which I know isn’t an excuse I just care about him a lot and know it’s difficult for him to deal with his emotions. Everything is so confusing T^T