Not the best with titles, but here’s the context.
Yesterday I told my bf that him not asking to help me and my mom in the kitchen doesnt "look good." My family gathers are very small, essentially just me, my mom & dad. He got really upset and told me that he told me before that not showing up to his family functions with him and/or leaving early also dont look good, yet I do those things.
1.) Since he’s mentioned that, I have made an active effort to not say anything and stay for as long as he wants the past few times. Even if that means leaving at 10-11pm with an hour drive home.
2.) I stated that I am not his family (5 years together and I am the only one who brings up marriage ar anything related to serious commitment). I said I do not need to appear at every single family function. We’re almost 30, and nor even married after 5pm years. He told me "thats how I become part of thr family is by coming around." IMO Ive been around enough. But again, he said it looks bad if he shows up and I’m not there, then everyone is apparently asking about me. I made it a point to say, it also looks bad to be almost 30 dating for 5 years with no real end goal in sight.
3.) He has a large family. Easily 20 people at a time in the house, but I still try to make an effort to ask anyone what I can do to help. I only pointed out his behavior yesterday because its literally 3 people in the house… Its way more obvious when one person is sitting all by themselves in the corner tucked away. Especially when there IS something they could help do. Not to mention, he’s been caught cheating before and so my parents arent the *most* fond of him, but accepted him because I forgave him. But in my eyes, if thats the case why make yourself look "worse" by not speaking up to help around the house someway??
During/after this argument, he drove recklessly back home and blasted music, didnt speak to me at all at home, and slept downstairs. I’m honestly over it, but AITA?
Girl forget posting in AITA.
He’s cheated. He has no intentions of marrying you. He doesnt even offer to help as a guest in someone else’s home.
YTA for staying with someone who thinks so little of you and your family. You’re still young at 30, you can still find a worthwhile relationship with someone who actually cares for you and your family. Run.