Okay so to start of my boyfriend (18m) is disabled you can check on my page I’ve got a couple posts about it but anyhow, he uses a wheelchair right?
It’s a crappy 2nd time being second hand DRIVE hospital wheelchair that’s bulky and falling apart. 4-5 months ago I started a GFM to raise enough money to pay out of pocket for a better one since none of us have that money and waiting for the government to possibly approve a fully funded one would take months or years.
When this GFM started I spoke with their mother about it to let her know and give the option to shut it down if she really didn’t like it. She said nothing and I left it be.
Fast forward a few months and we are almost at the goal and can get him a new wheelchair which is super exciting. I, like a normal person let the mother know in a very excited and nice way that we can get them a nice one soon.
She freaked the fuck out. She left me on read and went to my BF and make a huge ass paragraph about how we hate her and don’t trust her and how she hates how we did this and all this bullshit.
How are we supposed to know that you hate it IF YOU NEVER TOLD US!? A direct line from her text is “And then because of the hiding I have bigger feelings because I am so hurt by you not being able to trust me with your real problems and I will never be dead inside enough to be trusted with the important stuff”.
Edit: just to clarify my bf has been contacting her about this too I’m just talking about what I’ve been doing to contact her and he was also in on the GFM
AITA for raising money for my BF wheelchair??
I’m really confused, did she know about the gfm or not?
Yeah why is she saying it was hidden from her and she wasn’t trusted with it if you told her from the beginning? Have you pointed that out?
Yup my bf and I both did at the start
NTA – The mother sounds jealous. You were able to get your boyfriend something that she was not able to do, and she’s mad about it perhaps.
She’s making it all about her and her feelings, when this situation SHOULD be about being excited for her son to get a new wheelchair.
NTA
Thats a really extreme reaction from mom. BF is 18 so is an adult. A new wheelchair will improve life for him.
Get the wheelchair.
NTA. The mother sounds like a narcissist who is projecting. If GFM is the way you’re able to get critical medical supplies then do it. Don’t let her feelings of “wanting to be the one” limit your BFs mobility.
INFO: How does your boyfriend feel about this?
You started the go fund me. You reached out to his mother and gave her the option to shut it down. You are giving her updates on the progress of the go fund me. Why isn’t he communicating this with his mother?
She is a very intense woman and has been telling me to give updates if my BF doesn’t, he typically just forgets or is scared to tell her anything because this is how she reacts with everything. For instance if you forget to put a wrapper in the garbage while eating she will blow up. So to keep the heat off him I’ve been talking to her and he is aware of it, she’s caused a lot of issues for him in the past so we try to shove what we can off to one another if that makes any sense.
Well if her own son doesn’t want to talk to her maybe it’s time you guys went no contact
Is that word for word what she said? The ‘dead inside enough’ part just doesn’t make sense, and it seems like she is saying she didn’t know about the GFM?
NTA she probably thought that it wouldn’t go anywhere when you first told her. When you proved that it was an option all along, she became embarrassed because she could have done this in any of the last several years that gofundme has been running. Ignore you temper tantrum, leaver her to your boyfriend.
NTA
His mother is making this about *her*, maybe she feels like it reflects poorly on her, who knows? In any case, I’d ignore it completely.
It’s awesome that you identified a need and took action to make someone’s life better! Anyone would be lucky to have such a person in their life. I am sorry his mom can’t appreciate that, but the world is full of people who are that way. Don’t you dare let anyone dull your shine!
Dudes 18. Theres literally no reason to even tell his mother
NTA in anyway shape or form. You said you told her about it and she didn’t respond. It’s possible if you only texted her about it that she accidentally deleted the message before she could reply. I DOUBT that’s what happened but it’s possible.
It sounds more like she didn’t think your little GFM would be able to make enough money so she was waiting until you pulled it and would have ridiculed you either way. You did an amazing thing for your boyfriend. She is just being ugly because she didn’t take the initiative to do it and you made her look bad.