For context, I’ve been friends with this individual for a while now, and we have drifted apart a bit after Uni since our careers are in different parts of the city. However, every time she wants to hang out with me (maybe 3 times in the month) I’ll just get a text message saying "I want to do this (activity where I have to drive her a far distance because she doesn’t own a vehicle). And every time I get one of those texts, I just turn it down. It feels like I am just being used as a personal driver and now she is saying I am not a true friend to her and that I should be willing to take her places if I actually cared to spend time with her.
NTA
She isn’t your friend. She’s someone who’s trying to use you.
INFO – how often do YOU text her about hanging out together? Do you ever suggest something closer? (Why don’t I come over and we can watch movies’) or something in her end of the city but requiring no additional ‘driving her a far distance’.
If you don’t want to really hang out with her as a friend, then don’t make this about driving her ‘far distances’ (that sounds random and silly) just focus on what kind of friendship you want to have with her.
NTA- respond with this- ok- let me get this straight- our friendship is completely transactional based on my willingness to drive you around and that is the limit and extent of it? And I’m “not a true friend” if I don’t accept your unilateral terms?
Your friend is a utilitarian friend. True friends do not use each other, like how your friend is using you as a personal driver.
NTA.
NTA but also it seems like you aren’t really friends anymore. Are you scheduling hangouts when it doesn’t require driving distances ? Is she willing to meet you at a midpoint ? If not and the only time she reaches out is when it’s something that requires you to drive, you’re a “friend” of convenience.
I did schedule a recent hangout with a bunch of friends as well (including her roommate) to join for a fire pit out in a park. I told her that she could take transit to join, as it would only be a 25 minute ride down and her roomate could give her a ride back home since the roomate’s bf was driving back to their place. She ignored my messages and her roomates messages the day of the event…