I had an insanely long day today: I was out of the house from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. When I finally got home, I chatted with my family, and everything was going surprisingly well. But when it was time for bed (around 10 p.m.), things shifted. I asked my brother to turn off the lights in our room. For context, we live in a small house with no spare bedroom, so my brother and I share a room.
He was studying and said he needed the lights on. So I asked him to study in the living room instead, reminding him that this exact situation happened a week ago: I wanted to study while he wanted to sleep, so I went to the living room to study while he slept. I expected him to do the same now.
But he refused and said he couldn’t focus in the living room. Any other night, I might have just given in or even gone to sleep on the couch. But today I was exhausted. Our parents heard the commotion and intervened, but I was so tired that I kept insisting, and he kept refusing. After some back and forth, I finally pleaded with him, telling him I was extremely tired and genuinely couldn’t sleep either on the couch or with the lights on.
He eventually turned off the main lights but switched on a small bulb in the corner, on **my** side, and the glare went straight into my eyes. That clearly wasn’t going to work. I reminded him again of our original arrangement, but he still didn’t adjust. I got frustrated, pulled my blankets off the bed, and left the room. Then my parents reprimanded him, and suddenly he said, “Well then, ask her to come back and sleep. I’ll turn off the lights now.”
So when my mum came to tell me to go back to the room since he’d “done what I wanted,” I refused.
But at that point, it wasn’t just about the lights anymore. It was about the principle: he wasn’t willing to do for me what I’ve already done for him. It showed me he doesn’t value my comfort, my peace, or my time the way I value his. Oh, and it’s not some silly sibling thing. I have adjusted multiple times for him, a couple of examples being: His face gets sweaty even in winter, so the AC stays on, even if we are both shivering, because he can’t sleep with a sweaty face. 2. When he comes back from school, he uses the desk while l get up and sit on the bed until he is done, then I can get it back. (Please don’t suggest getting separate rooms; that just isn’t financially possible for my family)
Then both she and my brother started telling me I was the difficult one who never backs down and drags out the fight unnecessarily, but why would I? I hardly ever ask for anything, and the one time I do, he doesn’t even bother.
NTA.
Your family sounds exhausting.
Brother is an entitled golden child.
I don’t know, where I am from it is odd for neither and sister to share a room do it is hard to judge.
Ugh I meant brother and sister. Sorry don’t know how to edit or spell!
Sharing tight spaces is hard. Talk to your brother and figure out a plan moving forward that works for you both so you aren’t figuring it out when you’re both exhausted and stressed.
I know I can’t work in the living room – maybe there’s a curtain barrier to hang or eye mask. Idk. But just figure it out when neither of you are stressed
NTA
You helped him out when he needed sleep.
Im
Confused who she and my brother are? ( mom and brother) or did a sister enter?
I will say sometimes people that are manipulative can really find ways to provoke an innocent nice person until the nice person looks like they are over reacting. I’m
Guessing that’s what was happing.
The bottom line was he created a lot when your only goal was to sleep.
Even your mom
Saying you could go bad to bed after you moved kept it going.
NTA It’s hard to relax and fall asleep in a room full of tension.
An inexpensive solution would be to get two pair of eye masks that block the light. Give one to your brother. Use the light when you need it and wear the mask for blackout when he’s keeping it on for studies.
I would agree (I have a dozen such masks near me right now) except he has a sweaty face.
The desk should only be used if the dining room table area is chaotic. A bedroom is primarily for sleep, not study/TV etc.
Well, don’t share eye masks, for gawd’s sake.
Not sharing! If he has a sweaty face, an eye mask would be miserable, so he won’t use it, and that ruins half the plan.
Next time do the same thing when he wants to sleep
Something tells me the parents will act very differently.
Buy a sleep mask.
NTA. Tell them clearly you are going to stop making accommodations for your brother if he won’t reciprocate. Then just stop – live your life as you would like to, don’t bother arguing with him. Just continue doing things the way you want to, and if he kicks up a fuss then he’s the one who looks like an asshole.