I do jump around and this is long, so I apologize in advance lol.
Some background knowledge: i come from a farm family of 7 and being the eldest, I had almost all the chores. I like being in control of how clean my environment is because I grew up cleaning up after everyone.
I (23F) have been living with my bf (28M), his mom (55F), and youngest brother (18M) for 5 years. I enjoy cleaning and organizing, de-stress myself working 2 jobs and full time student. I’ve always done the household chores, along taking care of all of the animals (including my dog is 4 dogs and 2 cats). While I do pay half of electric bill (my amount floats beyween 80 and 180 a month) and pay full water bill in place of rent, I’ve done all housework since practically day one after moving in because that’s how I felt I could contribute and help out.
I’ve had this discussion before with all of them, not being snarky or complaining about it, just stating that I would like some extra help when it comes to it (i.e. loading, running, washing, pitting away). It feels like I had to beg for multiple days or be so overwhelmed that I would breakdown for them to lift a finger (i only get 1 day off a week). The youngest plays video games all day and watches TV (no job), I work 15 hours a day and attend college lectures. They all complain when the sink is full of dishes they dirty but dont bother to do.
I have reached the end of my rope, I have been gone 2 weeks house sitting for a family friend while she traveled out of state for a family emergency ( 8 dogs and 6 cats, so its chaos). I made sure the dishes were done and put away before I left, and I got back yesterday to a full dishwasher not ran with dishes lining the counters and piled in the sink. I went ahead and started the dishwasher and had asked why the kitchen looked the way it did (there’s aprox. 10 feet of counter space which was stacked with dishes and on the stove) and was ignored at first then was tild it wasnt their job to do it because I always do it when I had asked them to do their dishes while I was gone. I got angrily talked at today by bf’s mom because I hadn’t gotten a chance to start on the mess of dishes because I have 4 finals coming up, 2 final labs, and im working on getting my certified license so I’ve been studying for that as well. When I told her this and asked why the one who doesnt work never did the dishes (most of them are his), she wouldnt give me a straight answer and then she said she works 8 hours a day and so she shouldn’t have to do the dishes and I should be the only one doing it because its what I’ve done and that if I get overwhelmed that’s on me because i chose to go to college and to work 2 jobs (pharmacy work and airport ramp person). Ive brought this up with bf (he was gone when this happened yesterday) and he is helping me but AITA if I refuse to do household chores for a while (other than our room and and animals and trash) because of this?
NTA.
You were 18 and he was… 23? And have you been taking care of the house for past five years? Do you realize that’s why the kitchen was like that- because they are used to you managing the house for them.
Are you committed to living like this…? For how long? One year, two? What if it’s your job and you come back from a work trip? What if you have kids… will they still expect you to do everything…
You should have good money saved up working 2 jobs for 5 years and only paying a couple hundred in place of rent. I highly recommend you move out, either with your boyfriend if he is supportive and will pull his weight, or alone. You’re not a maid.
NTA. The solution is to dump your BF and move out. Not doing the household chores is not going to fix this. You were already gone for 2 weeks and they left it for you. They have no regard for you.
THEY COMPLAIN WHEN THE SINK IS FULL?! oh hell no. Instead of complaining, they could have contributed to at the very least starting, or bother fixing what caused them to complain! If I heard that being in your shoes, I would have felt like they were maybe even mocking me because they have to know that you do everything and have to ask, ask, ask. ( if what I said makes sense )
You are burning out and almost running on fumes here and nobody is acknowledging you or even showing any gratitude that their mess has to be fixed by you. The 18 year old needs to get off his video games and not impose his mess onto others. Your partner needs to be a partner and do some team work.
It sucks because if you just stopped doing it in retaliation, it will get to a point where it is so messy that it will probably be out of control:/ which affects you even more negatively
& what you got told that it is basically your fault/you have to deal with it because of your choices that ARE BENEFICIAL FOR THE FORWARD COURSE OF YOUR LIFE/ LIFE WITH YOUR BF and juggling all that!? Woooww. That is p much a slap to the face.
NTA. They are exploiting your competence and conditioning. Your time matters too. Set a written chore schedule and consequences, or stop touching communal dishes entirely. If BF will not enforce boundaries with > his family, start planning an exit. Also, paper plates for a week can be a sanity bridge.
It sounds like no offense they were all messy people always to begin with. Now that someone came along to at least do a little damage control, I would say you are being taken advantage of straight up. I understand contributing to the household, but at this point you were basically told you are viewed as a slave imo
NTA… why the fuck are you still there? They are using you as a personal house maid. Get out or live like that because if you think anything is going to change after 5 years, you’re going to be devastated when you realize it didn’t change after another 5 years. This will be your life. I’m sorry they put you through that. (Do not take the bf with you, dump him)
So you moved in with your boyfriend who is 5 years older than you, when you were 18? And you’ve been doing basically all the house work since, on top of an intense work/school schedule? And your boyfriend had no issue with this until you got upset?
There are a LOT of issues here. I would suggest moving out.
NTA. So was housesitting the 14 animals the first time you’ve lived without another human? Did you realize that 14 animals was cleaner than the 3 able bodied adults?
Please figure out a new living situation. Why are you working so much if you don’t pay rent?
NTA. Just stop waiting on them, and consider moving out if you can. If that isn’t financially possible, just stop doing housework until the rest of them start pitching in.
Your bf sounds like a huge loser and you haven’t woken up to that fact yet. You say you spoke to him about the situation and he’s “helping,” but, girl, he lived in that mess for two weeks and didn’t care to clean up anything himself???
So he’s fine living in filth and/or too lazy to care about it.
If you stay with him, you’re seeing a preview of what the whole rest of your life will be. You will always be doing everything and he will occasionally “help” but only when you ask, which will eventually lead to him accusing you of nagging.
You sound like a hard worker with goals. Find a real man who will match your energy.
NTA
You spoiled them. Now run cause they are ruined. Find another roommate situation. If your boyfriend really loves you, he should be ok with this. I’m a little pissed at him because he should have stood up for you along with helping you. No one in that house is doing that kid any favors. Someone is going to have to wait on him hand and foot for the rest of his life.
NTA Stop doing all the chores for other people, period. You live with 3 other adults who can all do chores so let them handle their own mess/spaces now.
You can buy yourself paper plates to eat off of and eat cold meals or easy things like soup, wash up after yourself and leave their dirty dishes alone. Take care of your room, your laundry, of course. If anyone complains, tell them they are old enough to manage and that you are finished being the house maid.