I’m mid 40s, disabled vet. I spent years bedridden, on Norcos and muscle relaxers, walking with a cane, doing PT, basically trying to rebuild myself for the sake of my children. Nobody in my family helped with anything. No money, no childcare, no lifting heavy water jugs, nothing. They pretty much pretended I didn’t exist until I was back on my feet.
Now that I’m finally off pain meds, able to walk without a cane, healthy enough to travel a little, suddenly I’m Public Enemy #1 because apparently me taking a vacation is destroying their family budget.
My brother has lived with my parents his whole life with his 2 kids and takes up three bedrooms in their 4 bed 2 bath PAID OFF house.
THREE BEDROOMS
He pays around $600 a month for taxes, and pays for groceries/utilities. A house that size in that area rents for like $2600 to $3200. So he’s basically living in a three-room suite for the cost of my car+ insurance payment.
But according to my mom, I’m the one not “helping enough.” She’s telling every cousin and aunt that I should lower his portion to $450 or even $300 if my sister kicks in her share. So I guess I’m supposed to subsidize a grown man who works 10 days a month, smokes weed like he’s training for the Olympics, and treats the casino like his second home???
Make it make sense
Meanwhile I’m out here paying over $3750/month for rent and every expense for my kids, and literally functioning like an actual adult. But apparently the real scandal is me going on vacation.
My family basically wants me to be a disabled vet, single dad, part time landlord, emotional support son, and walking ATM, all while shutting up and not traveling.
Their justification?
they say I should pay 25% of the taxes ($150/month) because “you’re getting 25% of the house, your sister 25% and your brother 50% because “he’s taking care of us.” – retirement homes are expensive.”
Except I KNOW my brother is never moving out, and there’s no way for me to rent out “my” quarter of the house.
So that’s not an inheritance, it’s basically a lifetime subscription to subsidizing his lifestyle.
NO THANKS!
NTA you’ve more than earned the right to live your life your way and enjoy it. And, thank you for your service.
Tell yoir family to fuck right off.
NTA
NTA. Time to get some therapy because this is a toxic family system and you owe it to your kids to not repeat the cycle.
I have competed 3 years of mental health therapy and my therapist told me to grey rock them and stay away.
AI psychiatrist says the family shows enmeshment, triangulation, favoritism, and all other toxic shit.
I’m currently in substance abuse therapy with the va because I used to self medicate via alcohol daily to cope. Now I am down to once a week 2-3 beers. I hope to be completely sober 2026
I’m grateful for the VA Hospital cause I wouldn’t be able to afford this therapy on my own
At that point is the inheritance even worth it. You can just say, I dont want it. The peace of mind is worth so much more than the quarter of the house you may never see
NTA
You can think about what you owe for taxes once the house is officially in your name. Right now, their house, their taxes, their problem.
Great that you are doing better. Ignore these folks and have a nice vacation.
You know you’re NTA. You just needed to vent. Stop worrying about your parasitic family and focus on your own family and your immediate needs. The reality is, when the time comes for your parents to need live in help, it’ll be for 3 people not two. I can’t include his kids in this scenario because they probably aren’t old enough to be part of issue. I don’t think you’re complaining about what you currently expense monthly for your own family, it’s the adding of an extra couple of hundred bucks a month to your loser brother. Enjoy your own life. You know you’re right, so try not to engage. I’ve come to realize that there’s a lot of dysfunctional families out there. It kind of blows my mind.
NTA
Also you shouldn’t be paying your 25% of taxes while your parents are alive and owning said house
Right? Pay 25% for something he is enjoying 0% of. Sheesh.
NTA. Your extended family is trying to take advantage of you. Ignore their comments about their house being your inheritance and that, as such, you should contribute towards it. The odds of your inheriting anything are next to zero because your parents’ logic will lead them to conclude that your brother needs to have the entire house. I hope that you are contributing nothing – as in zero – to their upkeep. If so, stay the course.
Ignore them. Go low/no contact. This is not love. It’s resource extraction. Enjoy your hard-earned ability to finally relax and seek some enjoyment. You deserve it. They are envious of your successful adulting. Do not respond to them if they bring this up and hang up if they call and bring it up. Thank you for your service, sir.
NTA. Be “scandalous, ” live your life and go no contact, if they keep it up. If you’re going to be a villain in the story, there is no reason to be exposed to the narrative. You don’t owe them fuck all since you’re not living in that house and the fact it MIGHT, one day, be one quarter yours is not adequate for why you’d be responsible for ANY of those expenses now. I’d be like, you can give my brother my quarter and the taxes that are somehow due for it before you’re even dead. You know, since he’s a good caretaker and all.
Wow, your family is really…something.
Also, glad you’re feeling better. Please, go ENJOY your life. You’ve more than earned it.
NTA. But also instead of just you will “lose” the house to him when they die because you can’t rent out at quarter of the house consider the fact that when the time comes they might change their mind and leave it solely to him because “he needs it the most.”
Honestly, if they do, it will probably be a blessing and you can wipe your hands of the whole affair. Because when the time comes you will either need to sell the house and be the asshole wants to have a forced sale and cause your brother to be homeless or you may end up on the hook for whatever property taxes, etc are owed.
I’d say “you know what mom. You’re right. I’ll pay my 25% of the property taxes. So which room of the four will be mine, I’ll move some of my stuff in next week. Which bathroom do I get half use of? I want to make sure there’s good water pressure. Oh. And which parking spot will be mine?”