Every year for Christmas it’s the same cycle. People want to get gifts for my kids and we are truly grateful. The issue is we end up having 5-10 people constantly calling or messaging asking what to get them, asking us to send them specific links. And while we are grateful they think of our kids it gets to be extremely overwhelming. In this already hectic season of us trying to get gifts for our 4 children ourselves, it turns into us basically shopping for everyone else as well. So we decided to tell everyone that the kids will appreciate anything, and it backfired. We decide to send a list anyway and one of the people responded saying they didn’t agree with a certain toy that we allow our kids to play with and insisted on us sending them something else to buy. So am I the AH for deciding to tell everyone not to get our kids gifts if they cannot shop for the gifts themselves?
UPDATE: Yes I created an amazon list as stated above, apparently what I suggested they did not agree with, so I just spent an hour on FaceTime looking through a list they created themselves of things they were willing to get and I had to help them decide which items…. This person is someone I see as an elder so it’s hard for me to be outright mean. But I am very frustrated…
NTA
I create an amazon wishlist for everyone with their name on the notes section and just add to it throughout the year.
Then it’s a single link.
Or say please donate towards x experience. Molly wants to learn archery, Peter wants to visit this museum, etc.
My children make Amazon wishlists of variety or items and price points. Maybe do that then they can pick one item off the big list
Yeah I build an Amazon list and share the link. It’s easy and if people purchase from the list, like hitting add to cart, it removes it from visibility on the list so others don’t buy the same thing. I’m anti Amazon lately, but it was still just easier to build one list for him for others.
Hell, we’re adults and we still do this for my MIL and each other. And she does too! It’s really helpful.
NTA. The person who doesn’t “agree” sounds insufferable. But I’d create a running wishlist via Amazon/Target/Walmart/Crate and Barrels etc and share that with everyone. This way, you can send the link to everyone in a group chat and move on. If they don’t like what’s on the list then they can get whatever they want. But if many of them are as picky as the “I don’t agreed person, I’d say get what you want, ask them yourself, and/or leave me out of it
Just tell them to send a gift card or money. Problem solved.
NTA, but it’s going to backfire. What I tell my kids from an early age is that not all gifts are meant for us and sometimes they’re sent by well meaning people who made a mistake when ordering and were meant for a neighbor. The VTech talking dog? Immediately posted on buy nothing. Same with the gigantic hot wheels tower that took over the playroom.
What I do now is make a general wishlist with 3-5 basic suggestions. My 8 year old’s: He’s really into baseball cards, Pokemon, and drawing. He wears size 8/M, his favorite color is blue, and his favorite team is the Bills” When they gift him a Red Patriots jacket he simply says thank you and places it in a pile for donation.
I was going to go with N A H, but your last sentence is passive aggressive, so, YTA.
People aren’t AHs for wanting to give your kids presents they’ll actually enjoy.
You aren’t an AH for being frustrated with the whole gift giving thing. You are an AH for phrasing it the way you did.
When my kids were little I would suggest pitching in for a zoo membership, or museum membership, that way they get to have a great experience for the whole year. When they were school age gift cards to the local bookstore was perfect. Even better if I could arrange a get together with them and I would buy lunch and then let them buy the kids a book. My youngest is 13 and we still get museum memberships 🙂
This is beautiful!
Yup this is what we do. Pitch in for a family experience, buy tickets to shows or events kids enjoy. Kids rarely remember stuff they got, but they often remember them you spent with them.
“In lieu of an actual gift, please consider a contribution to x child’s 529 account. Our kids have more than enough toys thanks to their very generous family, and they would really appreciate some extra college money.”
Or
“Our kids are so blessed to have family that loves them. They have more than enough, so instead of gifts, please consider donating to a child in need this year in their name.*
We ask for experiences. Last christmas we were gifted a membership to the local children’s museum, the zoo, and a set of 10 passes to a local play center.
NAH- I’m so glad to see that someone feels the way I do about these asks. I don’t have time or energy to comprise lists for everyone. I appreciate that they want my input so we don’t get gifts the kids won’t use that will just take up space in our home, but I also think that we’ve lost the spirit of gift giving. What happened to seeing something that makes you think of that person you love, something you think will make them happy? Not buying a gift because you feel you have to, to check a box on a list.
Sorry for my holiday soap box rant.
Edit: I did end up making an Amazon wishlist of books for my girls if anyone is really insistent and I can just add to it based on their interests as the year goes on.