So i (f, late 30s) recently came home after a year abroad. It’s just a short visit to see my dad (m, 63).
My dad is a widower since my mom passed away 4 years ago. Recently he’s met one woman. They hit it off and they’re together for like 3 or 4 months. It was super difficult to find a moment for me to come back because he had plans with this woman (let’s call her Abby) and the plane tickets were expensive. Finally we agreed on one date.
The plan was for him to go for a week long holidays with Abby and then come home with her. She was supposed to stay for a day or two and then leave. So I came home and it was all weird.
First of all, my dad became super religious. He was running around her, opening and closing the car door etc. I’ve never seen him do this. But the thing was that he would ignore me. Like he would ask me a question and before I answered he was talking to Abby. I finally asked him why he’s asking me if he won’t wait for my answer. He didn’t say anything. He would only sit with her and I felt like a stranger in my own house.
Second of all, he failed to mention to me that he’s taking her home with his car and he’s staying there for 5 days! I was absolutely shocked as he never mentioned this. If he did it wouldn’t be now at home, sitting alone watching Stranger Things. I was angry so I managed to find him alone and I talked to him.
I told him how upset I am that after a year of not seeing him I am like a third wheel, and it hurts. I asked him why I am even here and he said ‘to visit me’. Yes, but he’s left. I told him that I am super happy he’s found someone and he’s happy, but he hasn’t seen me for a year and he didn’t talk to me at all. He only said that he sees her every 2 months and that’s why (he talks to her every day for at least 5 hours). He told me that he has his own life and I have mine.
Also he mentioned wanting to marry Abby and when I said ‘hopefully not in July or August’ as i won’t be able to come, he just said ‘so you won’t come, no problem. ‘
My aunt thinks I’m TA for confronting him. So AITA?
NTA, but this sounds like an ending, unfortunately. He doesn’t want to talk to you, visit you, or.spend time with you. I’d keep the door open but let him make the next move. I’m sorry your dad has moved on without you
NTA This is so strange. Why would he let you go all the way home only to ignore you and leave.
That final point about marriage would really hurt me too. He could just not pick those two months but he’s deliberately excluding you.
NTA you spent time and money to see him and he can’t even give you the time of day. Even if she doesn’t see Abby often it’s really not hard to make everyone feel included
He told me it’s difficult to make everyone feel included. I told him that it’s not difficult with two people.
Sounds like your dad has shown his true colours and moved on, maybe you should do the same.
Maybe then he’ll wake up.
NTA
She sounds like a scammer/fraudster. She’s gone for the two months? (WTF) with another mark then back with him. He needs to put his assets in a trust or everything will go to her and you’re left out in the cold. Sorry. Your dad is so p\*ssy blind he can’t see past his nose with her. NTA.
That’s what my boyfriend said. Because we were supposed to do papers for my mom’s will and his and we haven’t done that so maybe the house and everything would later go to her. I don’t think that she’s a scammer as my dad met her family, but it’s going very fast
Scammers have families like everyone. Just stay sharp and talk to a lawyer about your mom’s estate.
I’m guessing this new female has a LOT to do with how dad feels about you lately. Sorry OP – let him go. And imo I wouldn’t leave the door open. You did once by visiting at his request and he ruined it.
Nta. It’s not like you made a scene, you just asked him why. It’s not an unreasonable question or scenario. He is caught up in his feels. It sucks bc you are falling to the wayside, and there will be damage bc of it.
hes a grown man and can suffer the consequences of his actions. That will probably be a strained relationship with you. Know however, he will never take any ownus of this, and hopefully will realize it before there is too much damage
Sorry to hear. Your Father will regret his comment of “I have my own life and u have yours”. That is very true and yet a very foolish thing to say. He’ll regret that when he’s 80.
My advice is to let him live his life and just give him space. Don’t call or text and he’ll reach out or maybe he won’t. Hurtful, but relationships are a two way street.
NTA. “so you won’t come, no problem.” At least now you won’t have to feel bad about skipping the wedding.
If there is anything important to you that was from your mom, you might want to see if you can get his permission now to take it. After he marries, his new wife will take what ever she wants and when he dies odds are everything will got to her.
NTA – older guys dating after years get really focused and goofy, in my experience. You pointed out his behavior. That’s good. You might keep in light touch with low expectations for a while. He may return to more normal behavior and value you as he should.