Me (37m) and my wife (37f) go on 3 trips a year, just by ourselves. Right now, we’re on one.
So since we got here (Friday), I will admit I’ve mostly loaded my day doing stuff. My wife on the other hand tags along sometimes but is fine with watching TV in the hotel instead. We leave tomorrow, and my wife has been saying I barely spent any time with her. But at the same time, I don’t want to lay in bed for 3 hours every morning.
She was packing up a little bit this morning, and she was talking again about how coming here was a waste of money because we didn’t do much together. I pointed out just because we were here together, doesn’t mean we had to spend every minute together. That made her even more mad. She’s currently sleeping on the very edge of the bed.
AITA?
Edit: Yes, most of the things we planned were planned by the both of us. The stuff we planned wasn’t going to fill up the whole trip (left about 2 free days) and I used the two days my wife probably thought we’d chill in the hotel together to do stuff.
INFO so what did y’all do on holiday? Did you have meals together? Did she have input on what to do? Etc.
gentle yta. you both clearly have different ideas of what constitutes a good holiday together – she wants to spend time together, but for you, just being in the same place is good enough.
hear her out – she wanted to spend time with you. you could easily have given her that. maybe next time discuss what you both want out of your holidays
I need more info to make a full conclusion. Did you guys plan this vacation together? Did you make plans of what you both would do? What she wants to do? What were the things you loaded your day with? Was she actually fine with staying at the hotel or did you just assume and take off without her.
Without any further details I am leaning towards YTA because it sounds to me that she wasn’t as okay with watching TV alone as you believe she was. Most vacations are planned with things everyone wants to do as far as I understand. Sometimes you have to do things maybe you weren’t interested in, in order to wait for your turn.
YTA because it sounds like you’ve spent most of the time apart. Vacations are about compromise, and I also think priorities may be mismatched. If your goal is to see the sights and hers is to relax/spend time together, it may require both of you to be willing to accommodate one another sometimes.
YTA
My husband would never ‘load up his day’ while we were on vacation together. It’s obvious that you do not want to spend time with your wife at all so she should’ve just stayed home.
you loaded your day with doing stuff…..but did you ask if she wanted to do anything or for suggestions or invite her along? youe mention if it made it seem that she’s happy to tag along on your adventures though.
I do agree not every minute needs to spent together but I also agree that sounds like a waste of a vacation “together” if you go do shit and leave her in the hotel watch TV she can watcg at home.
My wife and I like spending time together and doing things together. I couldn’t imagine going on a vacation and leaving her in the hotel watching TV
Maybe plan your vacation based on things you can do together. Maybe you don’t feel like you need to spend every minute together but she is feeling left out.
INFO: Did you “load” your day with activities you both chose together because both you and your wife are interested in them?
Or did you mostly choose these activities alone without asking your wife if there were any activities she’d like to try?
So you went on a trip together and planned full days of things just for you, but she’s welcome to “tag along??” You didn’t plan anything together or sit down and ask each other what you wanted to do each day??
YTA. You don’t go on a vacation with your wife and then act like you’re solo. Go do something in the morning when she wants to sleep in and then come back and do things with her, or here’s a novel idea, sleep in for once?? Spend a lazy morning in bed enjoying your wife’s company?? Relax??
Yta theres no point of taking a couples trip if you dont actually want to spend time with your partner. Grow up.
YTA.
Your wife is trying to get your attention. Desperately. It’s not about money or where you are vacationing. It’s bigger than that. Start hearing her tweets big bird.
Yes you are. You planned activities just for yourself. How about COMPROMISING and maybe ASKING HER WHAT SHE WOULD LIKE TO DO. Pull out brochures, plan ahead for things to do together. Don’t be so self centered.
Softly, yes, YTA. You weren’t wrong, but you were wrong to assume she should agree.
It sounds like you have different ideas of what the “point” of vacation is. It’s clear that it’s time you like to use to explore and enrich yourself, and that for her it’s about spending time together and relaxing. Both of you are valid, but the fact that you haven’t figured this out when you’re married and vacation 3x/year is kind of baffling.
YTA here because you just assumed she agreed vacation was an individual activity and behaved accordingly without having a conversation. That was pretty thoughtless in and of itself, let alone stating it so bluntly on the reveal. I imagine it came across like you never even considered that a “goal” for vacation could be quality time with the woman you love?
FWIW: my husband and I also have diametrically opposed views of what vacation should be. We compromised by having “every other” trips— his destination his style, then my destination my style, then his again, etc. Works well! Highly recommend.
I don’t understand couples that don’t talk to each other. Why wouldn’t you run your plans by her? Then if she had something specific she has imagined doing, even if it was just lounging, she could have mentioned it. Or at least had expectations ahead of time that she would be alone so she could plan her own time accordingly.
It’s so bizarre to me not to just mention your plans to each other before they’re finalized