Hi, I’ve wanted to get closure on this for a while on whether I was the AH in this situation.
A few years ago, my friend (we’ll call her Sam) offered to let me rent a room in her house when I was a bit down on my luck. It was in a new city I hadn’t lived in before so I kind of saw it as a new opportunity and moved in within a month.
Sam and I had known each other for 10 years at this point, so it wasn’t like I was moving in with a stranger.
I wasn’t expecting Sam and I to do everything together, and she’s never been a great friend to begin with, but she pulled away a lot after I moved in.
Within a year of me living there, Sam had a falling out with an old friend from her hometown who had come to visit a few times. Sam began bonding with another girl from back home who had issues with this (former) friend as well. Before I knew it, this girl (let’s call her Jessica) was interviewing for jobs and planning to move in with us.
After Jessica moved in, she and Sam became inseparable. I won’t lie that I was jealous because while Sam and I had been friends for over 10 years, we had never been this close.
A few months prior to Jessica moving in, Sam and I bought tickets to a big concert, one that you had to wait in a virtual queue to get tickets for. We were very lucky and got floor tickets; she bought them and I paid her back AND she sent me the ticket on Ticketmaster, so it was in my possession.
By the time the concert came around, I didn’t feel close to Sam at all and I didn’t feel like I could enjoy myself if we went to the concert together. We had attended a different concert together a month before and the entire time, she kept looking to where Jessica’s seat was (she had to buy a separate ticket from a reseller because we bought these awhile back as well). I could tell she’d rather be next to her and it kind of soured my experience.
The week of the concert, I resold my ticket for a lot of money, but I didn’t mention it to either of them. I had been working basically every night and didn’t schedule time off to go to the concert anyway.
Sam didn’t mention anything about the concert until two days before because she wanted to know if I’d like to get an upgrade. I lied and told her I’d think about it. She messaged me again the next day and that’s when I confessed that I sold the ticket because I didn’t want to go anymore.
She was LIVID and acted like I was supposed to ask Jessica before I sold it to someone random. Apparently Jessica had been going around doing Uber to make some extra money to attend this concert as well. I’m not sure if she intended to buy my ticket or what, but they were both pissed at me and things didn’t really recover after that.
I moved out a few months later when the lease was up and haven’t seen them since but I’ve always wondered if I was the AH?
YTA for selling it without saying anything and then lying about it.
Yup. Definitely TA.
YTA – honestly there’s no question to me that you’re the asshole. telling them you sold it is a common courtesy that would have taken less than 10 seconds of your time.
But to not only withold that information but ACTIVELY LIE to hide it from them?? no matter your relationship with Sam, that’s an asshole move
YTA. You flaked on plans because you’re jealous and instead of giving your supposed friend the opportunity to find somebody else to go with, you decided money was more important. So, “friend” ends up at the show alone.
YTA At the very least you should have informed Sam you were planning on selling your ticket. That is common courtesy for someone you were attending a concert with.
This also would have given the opportunity for Jessica to match what you were able to sell it for. If she couldnt match the price you were under no obligation to sell to her.
YTA and you’re a fucking adult. Act like it. You’re not as close? Well maybe you need to put in a little work on that front. Ask if you can hang with them a bit. Maybe you’d have bonded a bit, maybe you wouldn’t have. You’ll never know. The logical thing to do, would have been to ask if Jessica wanted to the ticket and you sold it to her. You selling it to some random and then waiting until the last minute is a lame move. Talk to your friend like an adult and work your shit out. Oh. And therapy. Lots of therapy.
YTA. You need to communicate like an adult. You’re acting like a jealous 13 year old.
Sorry, but YTA. Not for selling the ticket. You paid for it, it was yours to do with what you wanted. You didn’t owe it Jessica or Sam to ask if they wanted it before you sold it.
However, you should have been upfront with Sam. You should have let her know you decided not to go to the concert and that you were selling your ticket. And you absolutely shouldn’t have lied to her about the upgrade. The way you handled this does make you the AH.
Yes, YTA. You had every right to sell the ticket, but you totally bailed on Sam and lied about it, leaving her to attend alone.
What you should have done from the get-go is talked to her like an adult and told her how you felt.
YTA so your genius plan was to let your friend just go by herself and not find out until the day of the concert?
So it was just you and Sam that were going to the concert and Jessica didn’t have a ticket?
That’s big time YTA – I get that you felt jealous of Jessica because you and Sam were really close and Jessica took Sam’s attention away from you, but Sam still considered you a friend.
It was only you two who had tickets to go to this concert, not Jessica. By selling your ticket and *lying* about not selling your ticket days before the concert leaves Sam in an incredibly tough spot, that she not has to go to the concert by herself. You could have also sold the ticket to Jessica to make sure Sam had a friend to go with, but instead you lie and then you sell the ticket.
Now Sam has to go to this concert by herself, without any of her friends. I would be absolutely livid if I were Sam, especially since she still considered you a friend. If I were Sam, I would cut you out of my life for this. So yeah, YTA big time.
I mean if the friendship wasnt dead before this it is from this
Move on
Yes yta. Their reaction isnt great either but yta
>She was LIVID and acted like I was supposed to ask Jessica before I sold it to someone random
YTA but not for the above reason Sam stated.. although giving mates first refusal is generally a nice thing to do.
Cancelling a plan and then not telling the other person involved in the plan is not fair on the other person. I’d be pretty livid if I was all set to go to a concert with a mate and they sold their ticket and didn’t tell me. Suddenly a group trip becomes a solo trip and for a concert… that’s a whole different proposition.
YTA for sure. “She’s never been a great friend to begin with” and and Sam starting pulling away when you moved in, long before Jessica moved in.
Then, you decided to bail on a concert that was planned months in advance. What exactly did you think was going to happen? Was your jealousy and bailing on the concert supposed to end in a better way?